Mutant

December 7, 2017
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Tired of watching the reflections of other girls
Dance across your glasses with my face pushed to the corner of your screen
Tired of trying to convince you of things you already know
But will never admit to yourself
Tired of being called sexy but never beautiful
Tired of all the pictures
Distorted bodies and tight stretched lingerie
And makeup I never learned to do right
Tired of trying to fit into the dresses and masks
Of all your instagram likes and your fantasies
Tired of seeing women packed in saran wrap pixel meat freezers
Letting nothing touch them for fear it might tear a hole in their perfect costume surfaces
Never would they strip down to their skin, not even when they're naked
Tired of seeing only my ugliness in the mirror
When I used to see something more
Tired of the soaked embers in my eyes
That used to fuel raging flames
I try to fit your frame but I will never be the girl
Who wants to feel the things you make me feel, chew up and gag on and swallow my self respect
Down in my loneliness and smile
Dress up for you like a doll
Play with me and make me feel like I was good enough
Only in those moments with no reflection
Only in the darkness when I couldn't see myself
And you numbed me to my own skin
Till the only thing I could feel was you deep inside me
Hoping it would be enough to please you
But it never even calmed your hunger for something
More than I could ever be
Tired of all the barbies you stare at while you hold the and of a girl
Who's five foot two with a growing pregnant belly
Who was born a mutant and only grows more disfigured
And you never saw the pain or understood the anger that flitted across my eyes
As I stared at you
While you stared at them
And I wondered if you knew
That I was lost in the hunger in your eyes, that I wanted to only devour me
That I was never the girl you were looking for





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