Set Ablaze

I take back my tears
Rather I no longer feel them fall
I have become immune to this numbness
This taste of bitter betrayal
That leaves me with a dry mouth
He had me fooled
Touching my delicate skin with his frigid hands
Though at the time it barely stung
I am done wasting my tears on someone who does not care
Is it persistence or idiocracy
Perhaps both
Or neither
My heart is now shattered amongst the ground
Crushed beneath his  feet
Smashed between his fingers
The remains of he and I  have been demolished
Long gone now
Fine by me
I have thrown the memories into a fire
And watched them go up in flames
One by one
Ashy pictures and incinerated lust
I am now not only immune to memories
But to him

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5 at 2:01 pm
I like the empowering message of this poem. It’s refreshing to read a poem where the speaker moves on instead of just moping around. The suggestions I have are thus: Add a comma after “Rather” in line 2. Add a question mark after “Is it persistence or idiocracy”. Replace “amongst the ground” with “on the ground” (makes more sense). It's really your choice, but I feel that you could change “my heart is now shattered” to “my heart was shattered” to emphasize how to speake... (more »)
21bmalizia replied...
Aug. 9 at 10:20 pm
Thank you so much for the suggestions and I will definetly take your advice. It means so much that people read my work, so if you ever want to read and make suggestions on my other pieces I would love to hear more of your opinion! Thanks again.
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