I Tried To Be Okay | Teen Ink

I Tried To Be Okay

April 3, 2017
By just-another-poet GOLD, Neenah, Wisconsin
just-another-poet GOLD, Neenah, Wisconsin
15 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."


I tried to be okay

But nothing will ever be the same

I tried to save myself

But all I'm left with is pain

 

I tried to talk about my problems

But my tongue turned to lead

I tried to let my feelings out

But they're eating me instead

 

I tried to escape my thoughts

I thought I had the key

Imprisoned in my mind

When will I be free?

 

I try and try and try

I fail 10 out of 10

When will I be free 

To finally live again?

 

I try to find myself

Who am I supposed to be?

These questions weigh me down

When will I be free?

 

I ask why this is happening

Of all people, why me?

It's not fair, I don't get it

So much I could've turned out to be

 

I ask when this'll be over

I just want the pain to end

Not sure if I've broke yet

But I'm sure as hell bent

 

I ask whoever's out there

To break me with sticks and stones

Instead of having these words bombard me

Hurting and burning and stinging my soul

 

I ask what I ahve to do

To finally feel again

To stop being so cold

And let the light in

 

I look in the mirror

I don't recognize what I see

She looks like a stranger

I can't believe she's me

 

Dead eyes

Pale skin

Scarred body

Bones thin

 

Lonely and fragile

Doesn't let anyone in

Hides from the world

Scared of affection

 

Puts on a mask 

When anyone's around

They can never know

She's not safe and sound

 

Build up 8 thousand walls

8 thousand problems no one can solve

8 thousand secrets she tries to hide

8 thousand nights stayed up and cried

 

Lonely and broken

But nobody knows

A life of pain:

It's hers, she chose

 

Torn apart

By her own hand

Why?

That's the question she doesn't understand

 

Feels liek a monster

But she can't explain it

These thoughts in my head

But I don't know how to face it

 

I've lost all hope

Of being human

Even in my family

I still don't fit in

 

Wandering through this hell

A hell we call "life"

My head's too f***ed up

I can't tell wrong from right

 

I tried to fix myself

But I'm gone beyond repair

I tried to let people in

But nobody cares

 

I tried to be okay

I'll never be okay

I cried out to anybody

Somebody save me


The author's comments:

In this piece I tried to deal with one of my struggles, which is wanting to feel okay and happy and normal, but things keep happening that set me back time and time again. Feeling like I'm trying so hard but getting nowhere. Feeling like I have to fight like hell to get what comes so naturally to most. I hope you enjoy.


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