The Unbearable Confusion

February 8, 2017

What is this that we are
You say you love me
You even claim me as yours
But when I ask you what we are
You say all you know is that we aren’t in a relationship
When your ex-boyfriend is around I become no one
I fear everyday that him and his girlfriend are going to break up
And if that happens I’ll go back to being no one
I love you to the end of the universe
But if I lose you to the one who hurt you
I’ll be more hurt then when me  and my ex-girlfriend broke up
And you know how much she hurt me
If that happens between me and you I’ll never forgive you
You don’t know how much it pains me
Your ex doesn’t want me to talk to you
And when I request us getting back together
Your response was that you don’t want to lose any friends
You say I’m your everything
But obviously I’m not because your friends are
I lay awake at night wondering when I’ll lose you
It’s become a every night thing
I don’t even know how I make it through a school day without crying
I have nightmares all night
They‘ve gotten worse since my dad got arrested
I fear every night that he’ll come and hurt me again
I’ve never told you what he did to me
I don’t know if I should
The last person I told broke my heart
I don’t think I’ll be able to handle myself if you did
I still remember everything you told me
But I doubt that you even remember the day we got together
I do I’ll never forget it
But I’ll also never forget the day we broke up
I cried so much when I got home
But no one noticed and that’s a good thing
My family knows a lot about you
You used to be all I would talk about
But now I don’t really talk
I don’t get asked why
I’m falling apart and you don’t even notice
But there is one person who notices every change
He asks me everyday and I lie of course
But he doesn’t give up like you
I’m starting to open up up him
And surprisingly he sits there and listens to every word
He says he’ll do anything to make me happy
But I just push him away
I’m waiting for the you I fell in love with to return
But I’m starting to fear that person is gone forever
I can’t wait much longer
I feel like we are growing apart
And I don’t think we will ever be the way we use to be
The days turn to weeks
The weeks turn to months
The months turn to years
And you left and didn’t even say goodbye
That boy who was there for me is still here
And I am finally realising that he is my true friend
And it turns out he is the person that I now love
And he won’t leave the way you did
He’s promised that no matter how much I try to push him away
I’ll never be able to succeed
He tells me everyday that I’m beautiful
Every morning I become happier
I don’t think of you as much as I use to
I enjoy waking up and seeing the person who turned out to be the love of my life
We are expecting twins
I hope one is a boy so that we can name him after his father
But hopes we have at least one girl
He say’s that if we do she will be as beautiful as her mother
It turns out that the person you swore was the love of your life
Might not be the right person
I’m happy that he never gave up on me
I still think of you every now and then but not that much 
We had a boy and girl
The boy looked like his father
And the girl looked like me

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