i’d choose
on days like those
i’d come home and lay on my carpet floor
and wait
wait until the light streamed through my window
splashed across my room
like watercolor on canvas.
my hands raised
playing with the light crafting shapes on my skin
wishing the clock was faster
or just a few hours behind.

one of those days
i realized
that i’d choose You
over sunlight any day
and that
would be a very
very
dark choice to make
when the sun
does everything she can
to rise each day
illuminating everything and everyone in her wake.

and it’s because we come alive at night
a fascination i have never understood
the way the moon lights our faces
curiously
in an angle of both mystery and trust
our bodies interlaced with nothing but each other
and the loud silence between us is so great
that it is felt in the air. 
yet this infinite space
this unspoken wondering
that lingers in the air
is not a distance
not an emotion
but a force.

and in that moment
under that sunless sky
i promised myself
that i would never
be with someone who
spoils the silent air
who sours the quiet
ruins the soundless.

because in that moment
i didn’t want to hear the sound of Your voice
not because it’s melodic and gentle beat was not music to my ears
but because there was no way that
words could fill the air
because they could not suffice
for the unspoken conversation.
it had to be felt. 

i’d lay
enthralled in a reverie
until the sun set and the sky
was painted with all the shades of black
like a rainbow of darkness
some blacks silky, some stark, some empty or expansive.
i’d imagine Your eyes with their tiny and intricate lines like leaves-
so meticulous in their framework
and how i’d fall victim to the way they gazed curiously into my soul
and made my heart beat fast
and my mind swirl
because i felt so alive when i was with You.
no sun, no light, no noise.
just You.