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Playing God

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You told me I was the wind.

You told me, love, promises are built like skyscrapers,

that you would not leave because the view up here was beautiful. 

And I told you, you will not leave because if I am the wind 

then I have shattered all the doors like eyes

and burned down the fire-escape with my breath.

And you will have nowhere else to go. 

 

I wonder if escape is made of letting go 

because our hands are twisted like thorns.

You turn your back to me in your sleep

like I am darkness and you want away, away, away.

My fingers are strings and you have ribbons tangled over your eyes.

We are caught in knotts.

 

Silence pools like a gunshot when our lips merge in sea and river

and I find myself drowning in a riptide. 

 

I wonder if love is made of holding on 

because we clutched too tightly at each other's wrists

when it was night

and I have bruises like too many smiles staining my skin.

 

I wonder if you measure pain with doubt

and if it looks anything like you do,

silhouette in doorway in building in broken city,

when you stand there

and watch me gasp from place to place.

Playing at change, leaving too soon.

becasue you told me I was the wind and that I was lovely.

 

I wonder if beauty looks anything like the winter dripping from my hair after it rains. 

I've got you trapped and you have me in danger of exploding like a soundwave in an ocean.

 

You stay and I leave and we scream at each other with force bursting from our mouths. 

 

And I wonder if love is made of wind,

and if it is I am too much of it.

What I want and what you want is to live in contrast

and what I need and what you need is to be unstuck,

even if you rip me and I bleed.

We are breaking. 

 

You told me I was the wind.

I told you that you were playing at god and losing

and that you were wrong,

I have no name and I am no mystery.

I am only myself.

And you have lost me.




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