Had some fun

August 5, 2016
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The pain the fear was consuming her no one was left no one was there she hurt inside but she stayed strong the smile plastered on her face none could tell it was fake she tried again and again to fix herself knocking many things off the shelf her eyes were always crying slowly inside she was dying she ran away she had some fun little did they know it was with a gun.

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Stifling_Darkness said...
Aug. 14, 2016 at 9:55 pm
This is amazing! The emotions behind it are very strong, and fluent in the way you write it. My only comment would be to break it up into stanzas or add some punctuation so it doesn't seem like a big run on. Other than that, fantastic job!
desi_0205 replied...
Aug. 14, 2016 at 10:26 pm
Yeah my one problem with my writing is actually having everything correct and properly written I need an editor lol thanks for the constructive criticism! :)
pineappler03This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 14, 2016 at 3:48 pm
I can realate a lot to this poem, so I can really feel, and hear the emotion hear. I also love how it's short. I've said this before, but shorter poems just go to show that a good poem doesn't have to be a long poem. Amazing job
desi_0205 replied...
Aug. 14, 2016 at 9:39 pm
Thanks sooo much i'm just getting started and feedback really helps! :)
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