Had some fun | Teen Ink

Had some fun

August 5, 2016
By desi_0205 SILVER, Toronto, Other
desi_0205 SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"were all mad here"-Alice in wonderland
"Life is short so talk fast"-unknown


The pain the fear was consuming her no one was left no one was there she hurt inside but she stayed strong the smile plastered on her face none could tell it was fake she tried again and again to fix herself knocking many things off the shelf her eyes were always crying slowly inside she was dying she ran away she had some fun little did they know it was with a gun.


The author's comments:

A poem about a girl who was hurting inside 


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This article has 4 comments.


on Aug. 14 2016 at 10:26 pm
desi_0205 SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"were all mad here"-Alice in wonderland
"Life is short so talk fast"-unknown

Yeah my one problem with my writing is actually having everything correct and properly written I need an editor lol thanks for the constructive criticism! :)

on Aug. 14 2016 at 9:55 pm
This is amazing! The emotions behind it are very strong, and fluent in the way you write it. My only comment would be to break it up into stanzas or add some punctuation so it doesn't seem like a big run on. Other than that, fantastic job!

on Aug. 14 2016 at 9:39 pm
desi_0205 SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"were all mad here"-Alice in wonderland
"Life is short so talk fast"-unknown

Thanks sooo much i'm just getting started and feedback really helps! :)

on Aug. 14 2016 at 3:48 pm
pineappler03 SILVER, Waterford, Connecticut
6 articles 1 photo 61 comments
I can realate a lot to this poem, so I can really feel, and hear the emotion hear. I also love how it's short. I've said this before, but shorter poems just go to show that a good poem doesn't have to be a long poem. Amazing job