I have a secret,
most people do.
If you don’t, I congratulate you, you are unusually open and honest.
Part of my secret has long been revealed,
the hurt and hate along with a long journey to find my way out of it.
I am light now,
smile more,
love more,
open up more.
But I could be lighter,
this last little weight that I have could be lifted if I hold it up.
I’m scared to show it.
I could loose everything I have gained on the road it took to fight my pain.
This part of my secret is different,
an accident of sorts.
It’s something that I can reverse if I have enough time.
I’m not sure I do.
Do I try? risking failure and exposer?
Or pull back the curtains now and hope the light doesn’t blind me?
I am I strong enough to throw off this final weight.
I could loose everything if I don’t.
If I don’t loose all that my life has become,
I’ll loose most of it.
That I can say for certain.
I love my life, I can do what I love to do as much as I want.
I refuse to let this little black bug kill my reality and dreams.
I have no guilt for this secret,
I am hurting no one,
it hurts me only by existing as a secret.
I will not show everyone the little black bug on my shoulder, no.
I will simply flick it off when no one is looking.
Naive is the word coming to mind as soon as I started that sentence.
Can I really push off that destructive weight?
Do it with no one noticing?
It’s not as if my only problem is discovery,
even if I have enough time,
will I be able to lift the heavy burden or will I just let it slowly crush me?
No,
I will not let it crush me,
after all it’s only a bug,
however I will not be naive,
I know that it is a deadly bug and I must be cautious.
But I am sure I can do it,
I have come to far to fall.
And when I lift this final weight I will fly.