An Unconventional Rebirth

July 8, 2015

Bask in the sunlight of the morbid grace I have given you.
Realize that absence creates
Strength and improvement. Run from
River to
Forest to
Beach,
With the energy I pass to you.
No time for remorse, and no time to
Overthink the guilt and the pain.
Use the youthful bounce I leave behind,
Use it all,
So it will never be
Wasted.

On your heart, you will wear new traits.
Patches of my strength and brevity. But
Only sew the ones that bring you benefits.
Avoid stitching the
Abhorrence and
Intolerance and
Repressive
Scraps.
Be careful to never be too careful.
Although every familial thread is
Strung together with disagreement,
Listen to these words, feel the tough velvet of my regrets
And promise to make none of your own.






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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

spinnerofyarns said...
Oct. 12, 2015 at 9:27 pm
I think I don't quite understand the speaker's situation... that being said, I do like some of the ideas, such as the influence of one person on another and the way you phrased that as patches of someone else's traits sewn to one's own heart.
 
Bailley3 said...
Oct. 2, 2015 at 9:16 pm
This was absolutely beautiful!
 
Ang_loveee said...
Sept. 27, 2015 at 4:25 pm
I'm in LOVE! I love how you leave this piece open for interpretation by making it pretty general, yet it's so powerful! I love the vocabulary and subtle alliteration, it adds a lot to the poem. The title is also very alluring- it draws the reader in (it certainly drew me!) If you could check out some of my work, that would be great! My two most recent poems ('Fire and Ice' and 'LIp Balm') are the ones I'd really enjoy feedback on. :)
 
KittyKat1419 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 18, 2015 at 8:36 pm
This is one of the best poems I have ever read, and I think it ranks even higher than any of my own (I rank my own pietry very high, but haven't yet posted any on teen ink.) everyone who writes for Teen ink and posts writes very well, but this is one of the best (in terms of poems) I have read. At first when I skimmed it, I didn't think it flowed smoothly enough and that there were too many scentences. But then I read it again, slower this time, and realized how well this poem is written. I love... (more »)
 
lilycalla16 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 16, 2015 at 11:28 pm
The first time I read this, to be honest I didn't think much of it. But as I'm reading it a second time (out loud, to my sister haha) I'm actually falling in love! I think the first paragraph flows a little better than the second, however I LOVE the last two sentences "listen to these words....none of your own". As someone who has a lot of regrets I can really relate. Plus I also loved the forests/beach part, and overall I think this was a very well-written poem. With that said, I thought it wou... (more »)
 
theblondechick This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2015 at 10:39 pm
I am not good at giving feedback at poetry, but I'll try my best. I love the lines.. "Run from / River to / Forest to /Beach," and "feel the tough velvet of my regrets." Beautiful. I also like how the poem flows into a bigger picture. The "rebirth" is evidently there.I feel the energy and the passion in your word choice, but felt little myself. Maybe I didn't understand it like I should - I admit, I do not read a lot of poetry and mine is pretty crummy - but I felt like your heart wasn't in what... (more »)
 
BeilaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 15, 2015 at 8:02 pm
I really like the new twist you've put on this poem. "Unconventional" is definitely the word for it. You have an interesting rhythm to your words, and I like how you connect these little details into a bigger picture. The second stanza is definitely the stronger of the two, in my opinion. I like how you string the details together there so that they cohere into one powerful message. This poem reminds me of Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart, which is a huge compliment because I love her writing. Hav... (more »)
 
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