An Unconventional Rebirth

July 8, 2015
By Temperance SILVER, Austin, Texas
Temperance SILVER, Austin, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The facts of this world seen clearly, are those seen through tears." -Margaret Atwood


Bask in the sunlight of the morbid grace I have given you.
Realize that absence creates
Strength and improvement. Run from
River to
Forest to
Beach,
With the energy I pass to you.
No time for remorse, and no time to
Overthink the guilt and the pain.
Use the youthful bounce I leave behind,
Use it all,
So it will never be
Wasted.

On your heart, you will wear new traits.
Patches of my strength and brevity. But
Only sew the ones that bring you benefits.
Avoid stitching the
Abhorrence and
Intolerance and
Repressive
Scraps.
Be careful to never be too careful.
Although every familial thread is
Strung together with disagreement,
Listen to these words, feel the tough velvet of my regrets
And promise to make none of your own.



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This article has 7 comments.


on Oct. 12 2015 at 9:27 pm
spinnerofyarns SILVER, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
7 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody but a reader ever became a writer." -- Richard Peck

I think I don't quite understand the speaker's situation... that being said, I do like some of the ideas, such as the influence of one person on another and the way you phrased that as patches of someone else's traits sewn to one's own heart.

on Oct. 2 2015 at 9:16 pm
Bailley3 BRONZE, Sharpsburg, Georgia
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Little by little, one travels far." -J.R.R. Tolkien

This was absolutely beautiful!

on Sep. 27 2015 at 4:25 pm
Angelique_h GOLD, Bradenton, Florida
11 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We cry, not because we are weak, but because we have been strong for too long."

I'm in LOVE! I love how you leave this piece open for interpretation by making it pretty general, yet it's so powerful! I love the vocabulary and subtle alliteration, it adds a lot to the poem. The title is also very alluring- it draws the reader in (it certainly drew me!) If you could check out some of my work, that would be great! My two most recent poems ('Fire and Ice' and 'LIp Balm') are the ones I'd really enjoy feedback on. :)

on Jul. 18 2015 at 8:36 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
This is one of the best poems I have ever read, and I think it ranks even higher than any of my own (I rank my own pietry very high, but haven't yet posted any on teen ink.) everyone who writes for Teen ink and posts writes very well, but this is one of the best (in terms of poems) I have read. At first when I skimmed it, I didn't think it flowed smoothly enough and that there were too many scentences. But then I read it again, slower this time, and realized how well this poem is written. I loved the extensive language you used and the pauses are at the right times. You don't rhyme just to rhyme and it makes sense. The descriptions are very good and paint pictures in my head. Once again this poem was amazing and I loved it. You are a very great poet and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

on Jul. 16 2015 at 11:28 pm
lilycalla16 SILVER, Lisle, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freely we serve, Because we freely love, as in our will to love or not; in this we stand or fall."
-John Milton

The first time I read this, to be honest I didn't think much of it. But as I'm reading it a second time (out loud, to my sister haha) I'm actually falling in love! I think the first paragraph flows a little better than the second, however I LOVE the last two sentences "listen to these words....none of your own". As someone who has a lot of regrets I can really relate. Plus I also loved the forests/beach part, and overall I think this was a very well-written poem. With that said, I thought it would be funny to relay to you what my sister's reaction was (she's not a writer so please don't be offended): "I was overcome with... the big words". :'D

on Jul. 15 2015 at 10:39 pm
theblondechick GOLD, Kingsport, Tennessee
14 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.
And I am horribly limited.
-Sylvia Path

I am not good at giving feedback at poetry, but I'll try my best. I love the lines.. "Run from / River to / Forest to /Beach," and "feel the tough velvet of my regrets." Beautiful. I also like how the poem flows into a bigger picture. The "rebirth" is evidently there.I feel the energy and the passion in your word choice, but felt little myself. Maybe I didn't understand it like I should - I admit, I do not read a lot of poetry and mine is pretty crummy - but I felt like your heart wasn't in what you wrote. Regardless, it is a beautiful, uplifting poem. You are clearly talented. Keep up the good work. Happy writing!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jul. 15 2015 at 8:02 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I really like the new twist you've put on this poem. "Unconventional" is definitely the word for it. You have an interesting rhythm to your words, and I like how you connect these little details into a bigger picture. The second stanza is definitely the stronger of the two, in my opinion. I like how you string the details together there so that they cohere into one powerful message. This poem reminds me of Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart, which is a huge compliment because I love her writing. Have you read it? Either way, well done on this poem. You've definitely created a strong emotional impact.


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