I cannot keep living like this.

I am standing

on the edge of a

cliff

I cannot keep living like this.

I am filled

with nothing

absolutely nothing

I am empty.

I cannot keep living like this.

I look over the 

cliff

and I see 

nothing

absolutely nothing.

The cliff is filled

with the same emptiness

of which I am made.

I cannot keep living like this.

The emptiness

it burns

like the fire

I once touched to my skin.

I cannot keep living like this.

But this burn is 

not good.

It does not help.

How can empty,

can nothingness,

burn?

How can it feel?

It must not be empty.

It is worse

than empty.

I am worse

than empty.

I cannot keep living like this.

I am constantly

on the edge

teetering back and forth

If I jump 

into this emptiness

this sister emptiness

then all of me will be empty

Constantly

Cliff, land?

Cliff, land?

Cliff land?

Cliffland?

It is not a choice

that I can make

on my own.

I cannot keep living like this.

Some people push me closer

and others,

they pull me back.

But I realize

that nobody

else

can make this choice 

for me.

This is 

Mine.

All mine.

I cannot keep living like this.

I spend my life

peering over the

edge.

Dipping my toes

into the chilly emptiness

swirling them around

like the old me used to

checking the temperature of a 

pool

before squealing and

jumping in.

Now I don't check

anymore

I just dive

no matter that there might be

a hard, unforgiving rock

lurking beneath the surface

for i do not care

anymore.

I cannot keep living like this.

Every day I live

n pain

waiting to be hurt

and then waiting

to be soothed.

No.

Forget waiting.

I am in control.

I MUST be in cotrol.

Otherwise,

what am I,

except for a ghost?

A mere shadow,

of the rest of the world?

I cannot keep living like this.

I will not wait

anymore

for people to hurt me

for people to soothe me

I can do it myself

I can even do them at the same 

time

by myself

to myself

I need no one.

I am in control.

I cannot keep living like this.

And I keep living like this

teetering on the edge of the 

cliff

until I realize

that I

cannot keep

living like this

anymore.

I look out

over the cliff

and I know

I must jump.

I cannot keep living like this.

I must jump

or I

will fall.

I cannot keep living like this.

I do not

fear

I cannot keep living like this.

I just

Jump.