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Epitaph for a Dead NPC
March 11, 2015
Your life was short and full of pain
We didn’t care about your personality
As the others, you were quite plain
I bet you didn’t even have a backstory
You tried to drive us from your field
You cheesed us off
Your fate was sealed
The Fighter’s sword went in your face
The Ranger’s arrows in your eyes
Your neck was crushed by Cleric’s mace
Your remains the Druid fed to mice
As far as we care, you had to die.
© Whitney T., Glenpool, OK
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My D&D party is quite belligerent. We tend to slaughter NPCs who have even minorly irritated us. For what it's worth, that's common amongst adventuring parties, so this behavior is hardly abnormal. Nonetheless, I felt the need to write an Epitaph for the collective sum of all the NPCs we've killed for XP. This is meant to be comedy, take it as such.