“Love Him with all your heart, and soul, and mind.”

Elders stand on the stage
preaching to the sheep before him
about God.
He doesn’t see behind their freshly painted masks.
I sit among them with my head down,
Remembering about the days in which my head
was held up full of joy
and pride.
I try to believe every word,
try to drill it in my head until it is all I believe,
I want to become the perfect person,
but perfection would take eternity,
and even then,
it would never be possible.
He says we should be,
but as I walk through thick sacred doors,
Red eyes stare disapprovingly
and rumours of unknown committed sins,
somehow became mine.
Shepherds told me to love God,
and that all would be right.
How could I love someone
in house where I was bait for the wolves.
My skirts were too short,
even when they were  past me knees.
Any shirt I wore was considered tight,
even though I bought them two sizes
larger than what I really was.
There were too many complex thoughts in my head,
for them to understand.
I have one foot in the church,
one foot out while my spirit is torn.
I want to believe that I can follow
His Word,
I want to believe that it could save me
and that His congregation is family.
But what should be family,
seemed more and more
like a pack of wolves.