Your chest caves in
Your blood runs cold
His face is right there
Right in front of yours

Your throat closes up
Your hands shake as you curl them into fists
Why are you back?
Can’t you just leave me alone?
Must you always be trying to push your way back into my life?

You curl into yourself and sob
Not because you’re sad
Not because you’re angry

Because you’re disappointed in yourself for wanting the boy that ripped your heart open and let it pour out all over the floor.
You still want him, even thought h was abusive, even though he made you feel worthless.

Even when you’re happy with another person
Even when you get that feeling back in your body
Even when you’re finally able to give people real smiles

You still want him
You still want those beautiful eyes and that perfect tan

Even though you know he’ll just hurt you again
Just like he did before
And the scars he left will be ripped back open
And you might be too far in this time to save from drowning.