You're welocme, I'm so glad I could be of help!

Thank you so much for your comment! Looking back and reading it again I completely agree with what you said. I really appreciate your constructive criticism I think it will definitely help me with my writing. Thank you :)

I don't know whether or not you care about my random opinion, but if you want some input, which I know I always do, feel free to take it, it's up to you. I just wanted to say that I really liked your poem, and I thought it was original and interesting subject matter. I would definitely suggest putting work into condensing it, there are a lot of repetitive lines, as well as being more precise with your word choice. I often got the impression that in your need for a rhyme scheme (which was often shaky) you lost some meaning. I would either tighten that up so it's more precise, or take out the rhyme althogether. What the rhyme does for the piece is give it a rather light, bouncing rhythm and tone, which combats the subject matter slightly. I like the slight irony that brings, but that comes down to what you really want the piece to convey and your intentions/meaning etc. Overall I think it needs to be more precise, clean, clear, and condensed. Make sure every word is there for a reason. Hope this was helpful! Feel free to give me some feedback on my work if you have time/desire for that. If not that's fine too! Keep writing!