Take My Burdens | Teen Ink

Take My Burdens

May 4, 2014
By Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl


Take them,
I don’t want them.
They’re so heavy on
my shoulders.
It’s hard enough to walk already
with the knee that gets stuck,
the back that’s kinked out,
and the shoulder with the ligaments
torn to shreds.
They’re so loud.
They
consume my thoughts.
They
make them jumbled, so they’re
frantically surfacing in my brain.
Can you take them?
They weigh me down,
With them it feels
like I walk on a path of
quicksand, and
with each step I
sink further,
and further.
I don’t even need them.
They sit on my shoulders and
mock me.
They make my eyes wet, and
the breath in my lungs
hitch.
They’re useless to me,
so why are they there?
They’re parasites.
They benefit me none,
so will you take them?
I’ve heard that
you can, and
you will if,
I just believe.
Oh how nice it
would be to have these
burdens
off my shoulders.
So here you can
have them, so I
may be at
peace.


The author's comments:
I have a problem with trying to do everything myself and always trying to handle things myself. But I recently learned that that's impossible. You need someone with you that helps you carry your burdens.

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This article has 3 comments.


on Sep. 15 2014 at 5:30 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

No long reviews are the best haha. And thank you so much for reading. I'm really glad you liked it.

on Sep. 15 2014 at 6:15 am
Extraterrestrial SILVER, Singapore, Other
9 articles 4 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it's a plan!"

What the other reviewer said -- brilliant descriptions! I can feel the speaker's pain very clearly, especially in the line about the torn ligaments... I can feel the plantiveness when the speaker asks, "Can you take them?" The atmosphere is also very well done; there's a sense of frantic terror and quiet desperation. I love the poem's structure too. The last sentence -- the last word, particularly, seems to end with a note of finality, which leaves us wondering if the speaker is successful in giving up his or her burdens or not. The only thing I'd like to mention is this sentence: "I've heard that you can, and you will if, I just believe." It would sound better if you moved the placement of the comma: "...and you will, if I just believe." Besides that, this is a very well-written, emotional piece. Apologies for the long review, but great job!

on May. 25 2014 at 2:25 pm
Luv4Ever SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
7 articles 0 photos 199 comments

Favorite Quote:
A miracle is just another name for hard work
-Minho in "To The Beautiful You"

once again, very descriptive i like it!^^ another of my poems is TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/675575/Your-Sweet-Lullaby/ if u hav time^^