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A Play On A Play On Words This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

When the tides change
I’ll be free
to drown among my people
in the ancient lands of nowhere
nowhere you would go
with a head upon my hat
and feet upon my shoes
it’s time to go inside
to survive
the cold of the air conditioning
in my room it’s harsh living
with the lights turned off
no one makes a sound
except the pitter patter of my soul
across the aluminum roof of my mind
like raindrops in your eye
all you are is a blurred image
thoughts once clear
are now hard to see
I have to retrieve my telescope
just to see you
still leaves me empty inside
’cause I think it’s my fault
that I have no idea
but I don’t know what to think
or where to begin
so I just sit and wait
for the tide to come in.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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KatieGrey This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 11:35 am:

It's good, very good. I like the way it flows from one thought to the next. And at the end it feels finished, I like that. Not all writers can pull that off so well.

I know there'd be some poems of mine you might like, but they're pending for now.

It would be great if you checked out the one that is there though.

 
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moonpetal said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 6:34 pm:
I naturally write like that. In my emails, then I know my freinds will laugh and I delet it. I like ur style its like thinking. I like what you said I get it completley. I think the same way about what you talked about. That was amezing. Thanks for writng that. Looked at ur profile, nice I liked it. Wish mine was that nice XD
 
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inspir3d This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 4:47 pm:
SO PROFOUND. i love it. finally a poem that engages your brain and not just your eyes. I wish i could say i understand everything you said, but that's part of the wonder of it. Great work!
 
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 5:54 pm :
I totally agree - thinking about what this means is waht makes it so intriguing and interesting. Great stuff!! Check me out? Thanks and keep on writing!
 
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IamtheStargirl said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 4:12 pm:
Favorited. There's something about this poem that winds and twists around my soul, making me hungry and satisfied. Wishing for more.
 
IamtheStargirl replied...
Sept. 13, 2010 at 4:57 pm :
Wow, I like what I wrote the first time I read this better. :)
 
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Lexi S. said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 1:11 pm:
it's a phenomenal poem.
 
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MercedesXO said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 11:35 am:

nice work, this is great:)

i really enjoyed it and loveee your style of writing. it seems elegant and thoughtful, yet deep and true. great job!

i recently joined the site and most of my work hasn't been accepted but id love for you to view what has been and see what you think

 
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secretdancer22 said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 1:49 am:
I love this you are very talented and keep it up.Check out some of my work
 
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Shorty26088 said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 6:32 pm:
Your truly talented and I love it, but next time i truly hope you chose a different picture that expresses the poem but keep on writing
 
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purplepebbles said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 6:22 pm:
wow....i am so powerfully moved by your gentle, soft words. I totally feel i connected with the message you bring to everyone! i absolutely loved it! 
 
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jbutterfly10 said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 1:19 pm:
That was really good, really deep, really beautiful. Good job!!!
 
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Annabelle294 said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 12:55 pm:
This is amazing, the words flow beautifully
 
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-daydreamer- said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 10:05 am:
I absolutely loved this. It's beautiful, just simply beautiful.
 
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fob-fan5 said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 9:37 pm:
amazing job :)
 
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TheSummoningFreak said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm:

i love this!!

 
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*Z3y@* said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm:
WOW u have some true talent. I encuorage you to keep writing.
 
shellbi123 replied...
Nov. 2, 2010 at 9:39 am :
i completely agree with what your saying, he's writing is absolutly amazing
 
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John Smith said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 11:13 am:
Look, you obviously have some talent.  However, (in my opinion) you are employing it in the wrong way.  The images you use in this poem are cliche.  Write about something more universal than yourself. I know this post will probably be dismissed, but it is not intended to be negative, it is intended to improve your writing.  Praise does nothing for improvement--only for egos. 
 
Andrewsaur This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 11:46 am :

How exactly do you think it's cliche?

and as far as writing more universal things... Don't ever write while thinking I'm going to write about this... I just write... a lot of times it's just a conversation... or one sentence someone says that inspires me...

 
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