Thinking | Teen Ink

Thinking

August 29, 2013
By Kyle Miller BRONZE, Vancouver, Washington
Kyle Miller BRONZE, Vancouver, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I can’t stop thinking about you. Late at night as I lie awake hour after hour, you’re all that’s on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about you, and about us. The insomnia continues to take over, and usually I hate it. Sleep is a comfort, something that can take me away from the world and away from all the bad thoughts. It carefully caresses me into a safety that I feel like I never want to leave. But it always comes too late, after all the thoughts have taken over and left me feeling hopeless. But now I can’t stop thinking about you. I play movies of us in my head. The first day I saw you rolls by as if on repeat. I walked into work and there was a new girl who for some reason wasn’t wearing a vest. I stared at her as she pressed buttons, and noticed how gracefully she handed back change. I didn’t see her face, only her hands as they moved swiftly back and forth. They were so mesmerizing. I couldn’t talk to her though. The butterflies had been immediate. She was gorgeous. She looked just like my favorite actress, and I wasn’t afraid to tell people that, “Wow, that new girl is really cute.” For days on end she was all I could talk about at work. I saw her day after day, but it was never enough. I wished I would be able to see her every day and sneak my quick glances her way. I noticed her hair, the beautiful hair that fell past her shoulders. She would smile at everyone, but it seemed like she could never smile at me. Anyways, what did it matter? She had a boyfriend. I was just imagining something that could never come true. But still I held out hope that I could get my shot. I became friends with her. I comforted her when times were hard. I wanted to show her I was there. And she noticed. We began talking more and more. I began waiting endlessly for the chirp of my phone, because I knew it would always be her. There was no desire to talk to anyone but her. Whenever she would send me a smile, I saw in my head her gorgeous mouth curve upward and her eyes shine as if they were an ocean reflecting the light from the moon. I was nervous. She was way out of my league. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I couldn’t mess up my chance. So I showed her. I showed her that I would be here even in the hardest times. Because I will be. Whenever she needs me most I will be there. She will know that she can lay her head on my shoulder, and expect me to wrap my arms around her in an embrace that leaves us both feeling comfortable and wanted. An embrace that I wish could last a lifetime, because in that moment I knew I was home. She was cautious. She hadn’t had the best of luck with guys so she shielded her heart. A wall was set up so she couldn’t feel the pain of another wrong choice. I knew that feeling. I was scared to open myself up to anyone too. But I fought. I fought to show her that there is someone out there who loves her. That there is someone who will be there for her at 3 in the morning and she can’t sleep. I will show her that love is possible, because I know I love her. her fingers interlock mine and fit so perfectly that I never want to let go. I rub her back and feel the groove where her spine curves. I grab her and pull her close, because there is nobody on Earth I would rather be with or spend my life with. And I do want to spend my life with her. She makes me smile when I feel down. She is always there for me when it seems nobody else is. She gets me even when I’m myself. That’s something I’ve never had. Everyone has always accepted me for the person I play, not the person I am. Few have seen the person I am, and they all have cowered away. But not her. No, she sees me for who I am and accepts it. She takes me for all of me, not just part. She sees me at my worst, on nights where I can’t sleep because I’m just laying up thinking about what has gone wrong and what I’ve left behind, and she still loves me. She comforts me with her voice. She is the comfort that sleep used to be. She takes me away from the dark world and makes me feel whole again. I lay awake at night and think, and it no longer makes me sad. I think about her, and she is you. You are my reason to think, because I can’t think about anything else. You are always on my mind, and that is a wonderful thing, because dreams can no longer comfort me. My reality is something my dreams can never be, and I will choose that, I will choose you, every night. I will imagine you, and that first day we met, and that first smile, and that first I love you. I will imagine the way you say it, and I will hear it, and it will take away all the sorrow, because your voice comforts me in the darkest times, all because of that reflection from the moon in your eyes when I see you smile.



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This article has 1 comment.


on Sep. 2 2013 at 9:22 pm
transparantspirit434 PLATINUM, Farmington, New Mexico
40 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. -Hebrews 13:5

Completely beautiful.


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