Discouragement is all I feel
I don’t feel pain, just depression
It’s a pit that seems bottomless
People don’t seem to care, so I hide it away where no one can see
And I cover it up with fake smiles and fake laughter
But deep down, it feels as if my heart wants to leave my body, with my brain wanting to shut down
Poetry is my safe house, but songs and novels are there to comfort me also
Everyone thinks I’m full of good cheer but they don’t know what flows through my head every waking second of the day
Thoughts that I can’t control
“Why do they think I’m so happy?”
“Why can’t they see I just want to be left alone?”
“Why can’t I feel anything?”
I can nearly pinch my arm, or smack my face, and not feel pain
Just the feeling of never being loved and feeling like I have no heart
Anger is my friend, but I know how soon it will betray me like normal
And while the world is asleep, my heart pours it thought onto a soaked pillow of washed away hopes and dreams feeling as if it were going to die that instant!
I live in the only dark corner of this odd shaped world by myself, trying to cope with the things unseen and the things clearly seen
But each day passes with no good feelings
Just hatred, depression, sadness, anger, and feelings of calling out for help but knowing that in this big “caring” world, not one person truly cares about a little person like me