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A Bed Among the Clouds

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I let balloons go on purpose
giving them the freedom
I cannot have,
the freedom among
the storm clouds that
I pine for every night,
to be blanketed in sheets
of rain drops
and tucked in by the
fingers of the wind,
with the lightning
as a night light
and a lullaby
hummed from the
throat of thunder.
But, iron trees put down
roots in concrete,
and, darling, my feet
are fixed to the ground.
So, I let the balloons go
to give them a bed
among the clouds.



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BandGeekAndProudThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 12:46 am:
I really like the contrast between the iron roots and the balloons and clouds. The first line is my favorite. It's normally an accident to set things free... so we're all trapped... Excellent work.
 
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skywriter13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 1 at 11:47 pm:
This poem is simply breathtaking. The use of imagery is almost tangible. My favorite lines are, “I cannot have the freedom among the storm clouds that I pine for every night/ to be blanketed in sheets of rain drops/and tucked in by the fingers of the wind. The use of figurative language created a visual art. This poem is simplistic, yet it possesses a certain depth that must be read once more. The tone is almost nostalgic and yet, bittersweet. I felt you intertwined these emotions effort... (more »)
 
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ShahrierThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 1 at 6:22 pm:
the meanings this poem contains such a deep meaning to me. the feeling of imprisonment runs deep. i also like how well the poem flows. really good. i dont think i would change anything if i could. very good. 
 
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live_luv_laugh_inspireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 28, 2013 at 9:23 pm:
I like this! and I like the rhythm and flow of the poem.
 
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megcmusicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 27, 2013 at 10:02 pm:
OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOVED IT!!!!! OH YEAH THIS IS TRULY AMAZING AND WONDERFUL. the imagry... just... going to go and rip up all my poems now... they're just not good enough... WOW
 
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allhallowsevekatieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 20, 2013 at 10:58 am:
its sad and happy at the same time its amazing and beautiful and i love the way you started it off.
 
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CsquaredThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 4, 2013 at 5:40 pm:
This is really good! I really liked how you started with a really strong metaphor. It gives the reader a really clear picture, and it sets the tone for the poem too. great job!
 
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IronMan4EverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 14, 2013 at 11:26 am:
I like this because it's sad and happy at the same time. It's very bittersweet. It's a great combo, fantastic! 
 
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StarlitSunriseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 7, 2013 at 9:08 pm:
This is both very sweet and very sad, which can be a difficult combination to manage. I liked how you started with a relatively simple metaphor (balloons in the sky/freedom) and then developed the rest of the poem from there. My personal favorite lines are “But, iron trees put down // roots in concrete, // and, darling, my feet // are fixed to the ground.” simply because they are so beautifully hopeless.  I found it interesting that you seemed to go into some sort of rhyme schem... (more »)
 
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MissExplorationThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:19 pm:
Amazing! Very creative! I love how you connect balloons with freedom. On the line where it says "and, darling, my feet", the word darling, I believe is not needed in it.
 
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RozaAlexanderThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:30 pm:
this is great, I can picture everything in my head exactly how you wrote it, a thing of beauty.
 
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writefearless said...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:33 am:
this is awesome. the creative figurative language. the beautiful imagery. the relatable meaning. all in this one poem :)
 
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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 27, 2013 at 9:13 pm:
Hey there! WOW! This was truly magnificent and was filled with utter beauty! The title is really eye-catching! I love the repetition of letting go of the balloons in the beginning and in the end, it was a great way to start the poem and end the poem. The metaphor of the balloons having freedom works really well in the poem. The way you worded these lines was what made this poem.. I mean 'blanketed in sheets of rain drops' is absolutely brilliant! You have a way with words, that'... (more »)
 
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BlackbeltJamesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 26, 2013 at 9:09 am:
You have a very strong idea with this poem and you portray it ellegantly, your imagery is fantastic and the structure of the poem allows it to flow nicely. However The majority of the poem is one sentence, and I understand that it works that way, but I do feel that it should be broken down more.
Still a very good piece :)
 
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WriteOrWrongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:57 pm:
Hi! I love everything from 'to be vlanketed' to 'throat of thunder.' They provoke such stunning images and I adore the controlling metaphor. I think since that metaphor is so strong that the rest of the poem should comply. You were halfway committed in it but I feel like it could have even more of a sleepy, desiring liberation vibe if you reexamine the beginning. Very picturesque, marvelous work.
 
kikixkupkakeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 4, 2013 at 7:04 pm :
Wow! Why haven't more people read this? This poem is terrific, I am super pleased to say 5/5 stars! You have so much potential in poetry, I would love to see you write a poem about political issues or something global... Anyways, back to this poem! You have a wonderful way of placing an imagine of a bedroom in the sky in my head, and it was entertaining as well. However, I had to read the ending, "but, iron trees...etc," a couple times to try to understand it. I knew there was gonna be a downsid... (more »)
 
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