A Bed Among the Clouds

July 22, 2013
By SwanSong SILVER, Millville, New Jersey
SwanSong SILVER, Millville, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

I let balloons go on purpose
giving them the freedom
I cannot have,
the freedom among
the storm clouds that
I pine for every night,
to be blanketed in sheets
of rain drops
and tucked in by the
fingers of the wind,
with the lightning
as a night light
and a lullaby
hummed from the
throat of thunder.
But, iron trees put down
roots in concrete,
and, darling, my feet
are fixed to the ground.
So, I let the balloons go
to give them a bed
among the clouds.

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This article has 16 comments.

on Jan. 4 2014 at 12:46 am
BandGeekAndProud PLATINUM, Burlington, Massachusetts
23 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Albert Einstein

I really like the contrast between the iron roots and the balloons and clouds. The first line is my favorite. It's normally an accident to set things free... so we're all trapped... Excellent work.

on Jan. 1 2014 at 11:47 pm
skywriter13 SILVER, Washington, District Of Columbia
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.”

“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”
― Anton Chekhov

“The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.”
― Anaïs Nin

This poem is simply breathtaking. The use of imagery is almost tangible. My favorite lines are, “I cannot have the freedom among the storm clouds that I pine for every night/ to be blanketed in sheets of rain drops/and tucked in by the fingers of the wind. The use of figurative language created a visual art. This poem is simplistic, yet it possesses a certain depth that must be read once more. The tone is almost nostalgic and yet, bittersweet. I felt you intertwined these emotions effortlessly-and beautifully. :)

on Jan. 1 2014 at 6:22 pm
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a river that no longer flows" - a friend
"when the people lead, leaders follow" - Gandhi

the meanings this poem contains such a deep meaning to me. the feeling of imprisonment runs deep. i also like how well the poem flows. really good. i dont think i would change anything if i could. very good. 

on Dec. 28 2013 at 9:23 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 167 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

I like this! and I like the rhythm and flow of the poem.

on Dec. 27 2013 at 10:02 pm
author_musical PLATINUM, Torrington, Wyoming
27 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sweetie, if you're going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty. - Marilyn Monroe

OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOVED IT!!!!! OH YEAH THIS IS TRULY AMAZING AND WONDERFUL. the imagry... just... going to go and rip up all my poems now... they're just not good enough... WOW

on Sep. 20 2013 at 10:58 am
allhallowsevekatie PLATINUM, Hampden, Massachusetts
39 articles 16 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Believe me nothing is trivial"(The Crow)

its sad and happy at the same time its amazing and beautiful and i love the way you started it off.

Csquared GOLD said...
on Sep. 4 2013 at 5:40 pm
Csquared GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 38 comments
This is really good! I really liked how you started with a really strong metaphor. It gives the reader a really clear picture, and it sets the tone for the poem too. great job!

AnnieKate GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2013 at 11:26 am
AnnieKate GOLD, Centerville, Utah
18 articles 0 photos 21 comments
I like this because it's sad and happy at the same time. It's very bittersweet. It's a great combo, fantastic! 

on Aug. 7 2013 at 9:08 pm
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND, Clemmons, North Carolina
56 articles 0 photos 253 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." ~Camille Pissarro

This is both very sweet and very sad, which can be a difficult combination to manage. I liked how you started with a relatively simple metaphor (balloons in the sky/freedom) and then developed the rest of the poem from there. My personal favorite lines are “But, iron trees put down // roots in concrete, // and, darling, my feet // are fixed to the ground.” simply because they are so beautifully hopeless.  I found it interesting that you seemed to go into some sort of rhyme scheme at the end of the poem but did not really have one at the beginning, and I wonder if you did this on purpose. Regardless, it worked very well for you. :) Keep writing!

on Aug. 5 2013 at 8:19 pm
MissExploration BRONZE, Vancouver, Washington
1 article 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
It Can Only Fly When It Needs To.

Amazing! Very creative! I love how you connect balloons with freedom. On the line where it says "and, darling, my feet", the word darling, I believe is not needed in it.

on Aug. 4 2013 at 7:04 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The things that walk out when we open our minds." -Dylan McCoy

Wow! Why haven't more people read this? This poem is terrific, I am super pleased to say 5/5 stars! You have so much potential in poetry, I would love to see you write a poem about political issues or something global... Anyways, back to this poem! You have a wonderful way of placing an imagine of a bedroom in the sky in my head, and it was entertaining as well. However, I had to read the ending, "but, iron trees...etc," a couple times to try to understand it. I knew there was gonna be a downside to the poem because you said you could not have the freedom you gave to balloons, but it was still a bit surprising since I was so caught up in the freedom you gave them. Good job!

on Jul. 30 2013 at 11:30 pm
RozaAlexander, Amory, Mississippi
0 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, & accepted by idiots.

this is great, I can picture everything in my head exactly how you wrote it, a thing of beauty.

on Jul. 30 2013 at 11:33 am
writefearless SILVER, Manila, Other
8 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
scare your fear before it scares you.

this is awesome. the creative figurative language. the beautiful imagery. the relatable meaning. all in this one poem :)

on Jul. 27 2013 at 9:13 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

Hey there! WOW! This was truly magnificent and was filled with utter beauty! The title is really eye-catching! I love the repetition of letting go of the balloons in the beginning and in the end, it was a great way to start the poem and end the poem. The metaphor of the balloons having freedom works really well in the poem. The way you worded these lines was what made this poem.. I mean 'blanketed in sheets of rain drops' is absolutely brilliant! You have a way with words, that's for sure. This sounds really great read aloud and it just flows very nicely. Bravo to you.. honestly, this is BEAUTIFUL.

on Jul. 26 2013 at 9:09 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

You have a very strong idea with this poem and you portray it ellegantly, your imagery is fantastic and the structure of the poem allows it to flow nicely. However The majority of the poem is one sentence, and I understand that it works that way, but I do feel that it should be broken down more.
Still a very good piece :)

on Jul. 25 2013 at 10:57 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Hi! I love everything from 'to be vlanketed' to 'throat of thunder.' They provoke such stunning images and I adore the controlling metaphor. I think since that metaphor is so strong that the rest of the poem should comply. You were halfway committed in it but I feel like it could have even more of a sleepy, desiring liberation vibe if you reexamine the beginning. Very picturesque, marvelous work.

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