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Just Beneath the Surface

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To look into deep water
And only see your face reflected,
Is how I feel.
All things are interconnected,
Grasped by some force,
Almost gravitational,
That all paths have
Meanings and
Metaphorical resonances.

I never feel as
Wild as when
I look in the
Mirror and grin
Or as uncivilized.

The grin,
The mirror,
Are all things
Reflected?
Or is that only
Me?
Through the mirrors
Of time and
The pools of death,
Am I reflected
Through all of these?



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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 25 at 12:00 pm
A great piece of work. It gives a deep meaning to simple things, but not with all the fluff and suspense that some authors lean towards; just simplicity. Well crafted. And going off of what some of the other comments said, I don't really think that repetition is a problem. In some cases it can be perfect; last year I went through this writing phase of repetition (repetition, repetition). In some cases it can get redundant, but I didn't see it as a problem here. Rather, I found it added t... (more »)
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 31 at 4:54 pm
Thank you so much!
 
MetalHead36 said...
Jan. 11 at 11:43 pm
This is great, deep, descriptive and well worded. It's very smooth and rolls, be careful of repetition. Other than that, well done.  
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 12 at 6:37 am
Thank you! I'll try to keep that in mind!
 
KristenNoel said...
Jan. 10 at 11:53 am
What can I say? I love love love it!!! Keep up the great work! I can't wait to read more of your writing!!!!!!!
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 11 at 1:36 pm
Thank you so much! That's so nice of you to say!
 
BorderlineGenius777 said...
Nov. 11, 2013 at 1:30 am
I like it. To me there were a couple of stop-pauses in the flow of it though. but that might just be me haha. keep it up!
 
DawnieRaeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 6, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Wow this is definatly deep, all of your poems are! Really great job! 
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Sept. 27, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Thank you once again! You guys brighten my day with your kind words and advice! 
 
Silogram This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 8, 2013 at 9:41 am
I like this piece a lot because as I read it I get a sense of a deep, pulling, chilling force, almost like being underwater. Good work!
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jun. 14, 2013 at 6:07 pm
Thank you so much!! I appreciate you commenting on my work!
 
BlackbeltJamesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 4, 2013 at 6:10 pm
This is a very clever piece, it is imaginative and gives out the theme, in a slightly hidden, but realistic way, making this an inteligent read. It is thought provoking and creates many images of things that reflect (as you have mentioned).
However, although some of the sentences do appear to be different and unique, which works greatly to its advantage, I would recomend using more semi collons ( ; ) to break up your lines instead of commas as it gives the poem a better tempo and unde... (more »)
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jun. 4, 2013 at 6:24 pm
Thank you so much for the approval and for the constructive criticism! I'll work on that semi colon usage, I just feel that it looks rather awkward and doesn't feel like me when I write them. Also, Kurt Vonnegut had a very opinionated view on semi colons, if you're curious, look it up!
 
OlveraJorge1 said...
Jun. 3, 2013 at 2:35 pm
This is deeply philisophical (In my perspective)  I enjoy this kind of work and cant seem to pull away until I've had my fill, KEEP WRITING!
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jun. 3, 2013 at 6:13 pm
Thank you so much for commenting and for telling me to keep writing! Don't worry, I will, it's impossible for me not to!
 
bree_breeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 3, 2013 at 12:22 pm
It's almost chilling, in a non creepy way, but chilling none the less.
 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jun. 3, 2013 at 2:25 pm
Thank you! Yeah, I got the same feeling as I wrote it!
 
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