I abandoned a symphony
on the stage.
a symphony
of pleases and stays
a symphony of
come closers and get aways
I left all these melodies
on the stage
where I led a lifetime
of sort of
me’s
a lifetime of
bruised knuckles,
skinned knees
where I lost some teeth; bled some blood
loved and lost; lost and loved
lifted my chin-
stood bare,
shaking
lifted my palms-
sung,
voice quaking

I can’t think straight
when my hands shake like this
I only know how to move you
how to move me
not how to speak
not how to be
songs
flutter in the breast
like caged bats
when the moon comes out.
Are there better words
to fall with?
better ones to rise?
there are only the ones we have
withered against our breasts
like still born cries



for now I only ask
you to
give me back my words
let me sing my symphonies,
play my notes.
I’ll give you no body
no hope
my open palm is on your chest
ready to catch your song, your breath,
but see, you don’t look me in the eyes anymore
you purse your lips, you laugh
so give me back my symphonies
I’ll set them back on the stage
where they know how to behave
give me back my symphonies,
they don’t belong to you
they belong in my chest, on my breath
far from your arms
so let me sing them full
let me play them slow
let me fill them with everything
I’ll never let you know

fawns can be gentle as lions
lions can be fierce
as lambs
the thing that once
was all butter flavor,
wine zest
can turn
to sawdust,
die in your gums,
taste lifeless