Dear Lord in heaven, I never realized how much I whine. Looking through these articles I posted nearly a year ago, I realized how much I have changed. I've become more cynical, yet hopeful as time goes on and I begin to turn and face the mysterious future. But when I look back on my poems, I realize how high I must have been to actually post them. And I was high on narcotics. (I had a prescription, don't worry.) But holy God, I thought I was so deep. I thought I was so misunderstood. I thought I was so... hipster, I guess.
But I'm not.
I am a human being.
I am not one thing or another.
I am not some deep, troubled artist who writes to fill the void in her soul and feel alive.
I am someone who whines.
And I whine a lot.
I am not shallow, but I am not as deep as I thought I was.
I am not misunderstood, I'm just incoherent.
and I'm a halfway hipster. I'm too mainstream to be considered a "true" hipster.
In ten years, I will look back on my poems here and this article and laugh at myself as I am doing right now looking at these articles. I will look at my tumblr and feel ashamed at how idiotic I was to have felt so "lost" then. I'll realize I was never lost, I was just a bratty teenager like the rest of them. I wasn't anything special then, but I am certainly something special now.
That'll be the day.