I'm Halfway Out, The Choice Is Yours

February 6, 2013
By BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”


A tear runs down my cheek;
cos’ I want what I feel is no longer there;
not anymore;
if there was anything there in the first place.

I try and try;
an unsatisfactory person am I?
To feel unworthy is a bully’s job;
so what exactly is my love?

The feeling of something out of my league;
the one I can but hope to achieve.
I am the unworthy;
but why is this?

You play with my heart;
yet your not a tart.
Accidental pain you send me;
true or false?
I doubt a purpose behind all of this;
but god only who knows.

In my hour glass heart your time is running thin;
it's your final chance don’t throw it in the bin.
It is down to you the road we take;
its now or never, what choice will you make?


The author's comments:
Like everyone else, I have not always fallen for the right person; this poem simply summarises how I felt back then and the fact of just wanting to move on and giving them that final chance, whether they deserved it or not.

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This article has 14 comments.


on Jul. 30 2013 at 5:34 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Yeah, by the time I had posted it, I had realised I should have changed my old work to meet my modern ability as I wasn't happy about that line myself.
Thanks for the feedback :)

on Jul. 30 2013 at 10:09 am
SwanSong SILVER, Millville, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

I liked the idea of this poem and the story and emotion behind it, I just think that it needs a little bit of work. Some of the wordings are a little off, enough that I had to stop and reread a few parts to understand what you were trying to say, espeically "I want what I feel is no longer there". I'm a little confused again with the abundance of semicolons, not all of which are gramatically correct. Overall, I like the potential that this has, I just think that it needs to be developed a little bit more.

on Jul. 25 2013 at 9:17 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Yes, exactly, its the experience of both within the relationship and how he feels he is being treated

on Jul. 5 2013 at 10:13 pm
Jonathan33 GOLD, Reading, Other
10 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Put your Faith in the unkown and take the risk don't just wait"

This was a really good poem. For me its a relationship, and yet it is as if it is about bullying- "To feel unworthy is a bully's job"

on Jun. 16 2013 at 8:46 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Yeah, I found a couple of mistakes after posting it, but thanks for your comment and I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

on Jun. 16 2013 at 8:45 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Yeah I know, I spotted that after I posted it >.< It annoys me so much, but nobody notices so keep it to yourself hahha.
Thanks for your comment though, I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

on Jun. 15 2013 at 11:33 pm
WrenArrington, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 74 comments
You did a good job putting a new spin on a common topic. "In my hourglass heart your time is running thin" is the best line by far. I'm aware that poetry doesn't require perfect grammar, but there are a couple of places where you made errors, such as in the last line, when "its" should be "it's."

on Jun. 15 2013 at 8:15 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

I like this poem and how the other person's "time is running thin" in your "hourglass heart." I have one small suggestion, and that is in the line "but God only who knows", did you mean to say "but God only knows" or but it is only God that knows?" Otherwise, I love your creativity in this. Great job! :D Have a nice day!

on Jun. 15 2013 at 2:23 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

Hey there! I liked the title, it was appealing! And I think your author's comment was well written, I could not have said that any better, considering how relatable it is. I thought this was strongly written. I love the rhymes, they sort of lighten the mood. And I love how you ended it with a question. Great job!

on Jun. 2 2013 at 3:55 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Thanks for the comment, it is much appreciated, and of course, I'd like to return the favour

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Jun. 1 2013 at 10:05 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 633 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

This is a very common topic used in almost any form, yet its so different from person to person, due to various experiences with love. I think you captured the emotion very well and I love how each stanza is totally different from the next. Also, I really think the title ties in with everything as well. Your a really great writer! I'd love to read more! Also, due to your unique writing skills, would you mind giving me feedback on one of my pieces? Thank u soo much! :)

on Feb. 16 2013 at 10:04 pm
vaidaspade10 BRONZE, Davenport, Washington
4 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No matter what they say behind your back, they're at a loss because you've locked the knife drawer. Forgiving them now will just leave your back sore." -Qiana Casch

I agree with GoldieLocks19. It was great. The way you spoke in a backwards way to make it more in depth. I really liked it. You should read my poem "Smile." Don't let the name fool you, it is not at all what it seems to be.

on Feb. 16 2013 at 7:17 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Thanks for the comment, I appreciate the fact that you like it and took the time to comment. Also, I will have a look at your poem, and I will definitley continue to write, I'll be submitting more soon :)

on Feb. 16 2013 at 5:14 pm
GoldieLocks15 SILVER, Swartz Creek, Michigan
8 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!"

Elphaba ~ Defying Gravity

I really liked your last part to this, about  your "hour glass heart" and you should really keep writing :) Also if you could check out my poem called Things Happen, that'd be wonderful, but it's up to you


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