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Apology

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If I apologize,
Will that make it all right?
Because those are the basic rules
I’ve been operating under for, oh,
years now.

If I say that I didn’t mean it,
That I only meant it as much
As anybody who says anything
Means what they say,
Which isn’t very much-
Will that make it all right?

Because I want it to be all right, I think.
I guess there’s something I value here
Something in this thing we have together,
This friendship based upon-
Mutual respect?
And understanding.
And love for one another.

I love you.
I think that I mean it.
As much as anyone who says anything means it,
at least.
Maybe more.

If I can’t tell whether I care for you,
Does that mean I do or I don’t?
You might leap to saying
It means that I don’t
But usually when I don’t care for someone
I know it right away.

And here I go, trying to apologize.
There aren’t many friends I’d try to keep.
And that isn’t because there’s anything wrong with them
Or I’m somebody high and mighty,
But I don’t care for many people.
Many people don’t care for me.
Maybe most.

If I say
that I’m sorry,
Can we move past this?
Because I really didn’t mean to upset you.
I know maybe you don’t believe me,
Or you don’t care,
Which believe me, is a position
I would completely understand,
But I-
All I’m trying to say is I apologize.

I said it whether or not it makes any difference.
Does that mean I care?



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