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Unraveled This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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This sand is speckled
With shards of broken glass, you warned
As I dragged my feet along the shore
And laughed at your concern
I'd offer you my heart
My soul!
If you would care to take them

You see this fragile skin of mine?
My pulse running swiftly beneath a flimsy barrier?
Ah – but if I could give it all to you
To offer you the very bones that stack up tall
To unravel myself
From the edge of my forehead
Down to my heels
If I could reach within and pull out
The very fibers of my thoughts
The fragmented systems
And lost causes

For I would offer you my heart, my soul, and more
If you would care to take them

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 2 at 12:15 am:
Haha, when I saw "broken glass" I thought, oh here we go again, but then it got awesome, so don't worry. But for some reason poets are always obsessed with broken glass... Hmm. I don't believe I've passed that right of passage yet;)
 
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TheCapturedBatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 29 at 7:40 pm:
Absolutely captivating! This poem is lovely and magical and full of feeling!
 
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RolledthestoneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 27 at 10:52 am:
I really liked this. At first when you opened with broken glass I thought it was going to be lame and unoriginal but I'm impressed, it was great. Might want to change the beginning a bit to capture readers but other than that, 5/5!
 
AmyLeighThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 27 at 11:13 am :
thank you so much! i really appreciate this. so you think the first stanza needs a little work to really capture the reader's attention? and obviously i won't use your exact ideas but do you have any thoughts of how it can be more interesting in the first few lines?
 
Soccer23This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 27 at 7:19 pm :
I would change the begining a bit so you capture the readers interest but other then that i loved it
 
AmyLeighThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 28 at 6:51 pm :
thanks for the feedback! ok so i'm definitely going to modify the beginning a little.
 
Lawless-FlameRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 30 at 9:18 am :
This is really nice and the words used were extreme and caught my attention but i agree with rollingstone about the begining
 
AmyLeighThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 30 at 9:56 am :
ok thanks!
 
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