'Twas the Night Before Christmas: a Modern-Day Parody

December 26, 2012
By welcometoplanetearth SILVER, Devon, Pennsylvania
welcometoplanetearth SILVER, Devon, Pennsylvania
9 articles 2 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham


‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the mall
Thousands of shoppers roamed the wide halls
The stores had their sales out in full force
From blazers to IPads to a toy rocking horse

The people were testing the Sleep-Number beds
While the dread of wrapping paper danced in their heads
Choosing two colors provoked quite some talking
Among all the shoppers, hastily walking

When out from the food court arose such a clatter
I rushed with my bags to see what was the matter
A struggling woman, her coat was a puffer
With Subway gift cards to be used as stocking stuffers

The moon shone through the glass-paneled ceiling
I was filled with a somewhat worried-type feeling
The mall closed in less than a very short hour
And all I had was a poinsettia flower

“Now Abercrombie for Sally,
Gamestop for Billy
Ann Taylor for the wife
She needs a coat, it’s quite chilly.”

I turned to the voice that had startled me so
And what to my eyes, a few inches below
A jolly old man with a snowy-white beard
An ancient red sweater with tiny reindeer

And he pulled out from what seemed like thin air
A silver CHI straightener for Sally’s blonde hair
For Billy, the newest Super Mario game
A bracelet engraved with my wife’s name

It was then I noticed the twinkle in his eye
The grin on his mouth, oh how so sly
It popped in my mind and it popped all too quick
The jolly old man must be Saint Nick

“There’s a gift wrapping kiosk on level three
Ask for the girl who’s named Tiffany
She does the best bows in all of the mall
From the voluptuously big to the smallest of small.”

In all my shock, I could only nod
To the man standing next to me – so different! So odd!
I took the gifts and thanked him with praise
And stumbled away, mind clouded and dazed

But as he moved through the lumbering crowd
He pulled over his head, a crimson red shroud
And I just might have lost him, I think I had blinked
The man disappeared as quick as a wink!
I ran after him, but to no avail
The jolly old man hadn’t left so much as a trail
Arms filled with bags, I went to level three
Already waiting was the girl Tiffany

On my way home, in the cold snowy night
Driving away from the mall’s glowing lights
I looked through the sunroof, and what did I see
But a sleigh in the sky, the driver smiling at me

Sally was thrilled, and so was young Billy
The bracelet made my wife oh-so-giddy
We watched “Rudolph” on the new HDTV
With piles of wrapping paper under the tree


The author's comments:
A little parody for the holiday season. I was watching the national news one night and the top story (it had been a slow day, I guess) was how so many Americans were putting off Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve. The first sentence in the broadcast was "'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the mall, millions of Americans are yet to start their Christmas shopping. My mom said, "That doesn't even rhyme."
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

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on Apr. 22 2015 at 5:17 pm
guard-girl GOLD, Clover, South Carolina
10 articles 11 photos 148 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6

I like it! It has the spirit of the original story, but with a modern twist :)


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