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Drowning

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The child drifts through school,
head down, shoulders hunched,
Praying to go unnoticed,
Drifting lost at sea.

But the sharks find him.
Find him and attack,
lunging, ripping, tearing.
He screams for help,
but the lifeguards
don't
notice.

So he goes down,
sinking in the dark water,
drowning in the deep.
And the sharks
swim
away.
Laughing.



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This article has 10 comments. Post your own!

Allicat001 said...
Dec. 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm:
I really liked this poem, I noticed the metaphor between bullying and drowning right away, great job! :)
 
CammyS replied...
Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:38 am :
Thank you!
 
CammyS replied...
Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:47 am :
Thank you! Metaphor poems are enough to make me scream in frustration, thank goodness we're onto descriptive writing in English.
 
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WingedSilhouette3 said...
Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:18 pm:
Okay, I see. Thanks. We did a poetry unit in english
 
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WingedSilhouette3 said...
Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:27 pm:
I didn't really find the metaphor in it, but it was really good!
 
CammyS replied...
Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:53 am :
The idea is that the whole poem is supposed to be one long metaphor, comparing the same two things throughout the entire poem. I compared bullying to drowning. One really good example we read in English was: The Poison Tree, by William Blake, which would probably explain the idea of a metaphor poem a whole lot better than my poem. Thank you for commenting!
 
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crissypenguin This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm:
i think this could be more but it was great
 
CammyS replied...
Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:55 am :
Longer, you mean? Yeah, I can see that. But I did like how it ended, and I was finding it hard to figure out "what came next", plus I was running out of metaphor. Thanks for commenting!
 
AthenaMarisaDeterminedbyFateThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:46 pm :
This poem is a really good metaphor that shows great emotion for the victim. I am slightly fascinated with sharks, so this was a cool poem to read with great idea behind it. I really like you writing style.
 
CammyS replied...
Dec. 16, 2012 at 8:49 am :
Thank you! I was originally thinking that the bullied kid would just quietly slip under the water of bullying, with nobody noticing, but I did like the sharks better. I'm glad someone else likes it too. Thank you for reading my work!
 
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