swallowed again

September 14, 2012
you want to know why i have that feeling
like my stomach will explode?
because i carry every bit of you around,
every secret and habit and quirk.
i carry your eyes and your sneakers.
i carry your mouth.
i can feel it.

when i begin to talk,
it's your voice that i hear.
one person isn't big enough to contain the feelings of two.
i always thought i wasn't big enough
to carry my own feelings around,
not without spilling them on the ground
or onto paper or into you.
i seem so small now, compared to your mass.

it's too much for me, of course.
i can't hold all of us inside.
something, eventually, will have to give.
but only eventually.
eventually is not now.
it's not even soon.

maybe i'm hoping that when our eventually comes,
you'll have returned to claim your baggage.
you'll lift it up through my mouth and sigh,
and i'll sigh, and my belly will retract.
your cheeks will fill out again.
i will let go of your secrets and remember mine.

i'm not your pack animal,
not intentionally.
i tried to take away your worry
but i only succeeded in carrying you like a fetus.
now i'm waiting for the day you choose to be born

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MaybeImCrazyButIThinkILovedYou This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:19 am
I'm not sure if all of these poems are about one guy, but I'm very interested to know! You should write a book about this (or these) relationships. It isn't just the words you say, but it's what you don't say, (what lies underneath)... The emotions you cause me to go through as if I am you while I'm reading your poetry, makes me intrigued.    If my babbling makes any sense.   In short, you're pretty much incredib... (more »)
troubled-times This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 1, 2013 at 11:50 am
Well, I guess it depends on which poems you mean when you say "all of these poems," haha. This one, "i keep him inside of me always", "dreams of an impossible lover", "9/17/2012", "mock the world", and "you make my teeth hurt" are all about the same person. Thank you so much for all the lovely things you said :) All I seem to be good at is writing about relationships.
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