Soliloquy of a Broken Heart

September 6, 2012
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i went on to facebook
and i saw your latest status
and my heart began to crumble
when it said you want to die.

all at once i trembled
without you i'd be changed
and i just couldn't lose you
so i took instant action.

i texted you and told you
that i would always listen
that i'll always be your friend
that i'm always here for you.

i typed in all the words
i've told you times before
of friendship grace and laughter
of never-ending hope.

i wrote 'you are loved!'
even though you don't believe it
and i told you it would break me
if i knew that you were dead.

my phone set to the side
i didn't know what to do
i could only wait and worry
there was just one other thing to do.

so i kneeled down on the floor
and i brought my hands together
and i prayed so long and hard
hoping you were safe.

i prayed for guidance
for you and for me
i asked for an answer
that you were living still.

that night i couldn't sleep
i was so scared and worried
i lay in bed and tossed around
overcome with fear.

deep down inside my soul
i felt a cavern forming
and the thought came to my head
that you were gone forever.

in the depths of my being
like some internal instinct
something told me there was no way
that you were coming back.

but i've been wrong before
so i thought i'd disregard it
and all next day i waited
in vain - you didn't reply.

you were not online
and you didn't call me back
and that knot inside my midrif
just would not go away.

i texted you a million times
telling you of my fear
i asked you to please reply
else i would surely fall.

i spent another sleepless night,
pacing around the room
and getting rid of worry
was impossible to do.

i drifted off 'round five o'clock
and dreamed that you were there
you smiled at me and waved
before turning and leaving me.

i awoke to an empty house
to the ringing of the phone
and it was that fatal voice
on the other end.

they told me how it happened
how you jumped and fell
how they tried to save you
and of their failure too.

in your final note,
they said you wrote my name,
they said it read 'i'm sorry.'
with my number underneath.

'tell her how and why'
you wrote before you did it
'i could not go on anymore,
but tell her that i love her.'

with that solemn call
the world just collapsed
i fell to the ground and lay there
the telephone forgotten.

hugging myself i cried
my body racked with sobs
grief overwhelming me
pain gripping my heart.

i stayed alone and home
for about a week
i went to see your body
but in the end i couldn't.

yesterday was your funeral
and everyone was there
my dress was splashed with tears,
from the very beginning.

flowers were everywhere
and people said nice things
i got up and spoke a bit
but got choked up and cried.

when they lowered you
deep into the earth
my life shattered again
because you felt so gone.

dropped into the dirt
moldering in the sand
sleeping, finally sleeping
at peace at last.

now i feel so empty
there's this hole inside my heart
my friend i miss you!
come back to me.

you've left me hanging
always wishing
broken beyond repair
where they can't see it.

this longing for you
to see you again
to make you laugh once more
can never be fulfilled.

my dear friend
where have you gone?
you've left me
now i'm hollow.

devoid of happiness
drained of tears
hanging in a state
of deepest gloom.

i think of days before
when the sun shone down
on you and me
the best of friends.

someday perhaps i'll resurface
maybe then i'll smile
i might exclaim in delight
i could laugh again.

and even later still,
my days too shall end
and shining death will take me
and i'll rise to the cloud.

there among the heavens
you'll be with open arms
to welcome me to eternity
and i'll be with you forever.

that day is years away
way off in the future
a lifetime still awaits me
possibilities in store.

today however
i will cry and weep
and i'll sit down and write
i'll type out my sad story:

my soliloquy of a broken heart.

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emofreak101 said...
Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:26 pm
this is so sad i know how this feels i lost one of my best friends she started cutting she was sent away then when she got back she said she wouldnt cut again and to keep her promise to me she shot herself so i really liked this poem very heartfelt keep up the goo work
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