The Fluster

August 7, 2012
Challenges... I have them daily.
Every time I think everything is good....
Something changes...
Something happens....
Something dreadful....
Something blood curling, chilling...
I'm scared...
Scared I'l loose what I love...
Scared I wont make it...
Scared I cant...
Scared of him...
Scared of falling,
Too much comes too fast!
The universe throwing all its shots right at me,
Is it a test?
Did I pass?

It is all a trick to me,
A game that has to be won, but will be lost,
A sea I am drowning in.
A blizzard I am caught in.
A stray dog that I am.
I cannot keep up with the pace I am expected.
I am scared,
Every time I go home,
Every time I have to hear,
Hear that criticism,
See that face.
I shiver at the thought,
I wish he would change.
Become soothing, and caring...
But that's only in fairytales right?
No one has it, but I want it!
I want that care.
I want that attention.
I want that love.
Is it that hard to give?
All I want is for him to pretend.
Pretend he cares.
Maybe that he doesn't hate me every now and then.
I hate the negativity everyone has!
Why can't you just look on the bright side?
The fact you are alive.
And that I care...
Heartless is what you are becoming...
I feel bad for you.
Bad that you are so dumb you cannot see that I am trying.
Trying to impress you.
Trying to make you happy.
Trying to change.
Well use to try anyway.
I gave up on you a long time ago.
You should never have been anyone's dad.
Especially not mine!
So leave!
Stop threatening it!
Just grow some balls and do it!
If you truly don't care it should be easy!
Because well the truth is we are better off without you......

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Kiki_McGee said...
Aug. 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Amazing poem! Is this based off of what is really happening in your life? I hope not. Besides a few missing commas I can't find anything else that needs fixing. I hope that your relationship with your dad gets better.
Ga-GahKayMarie replied...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 11:44 pm
Thanks :) yea my dad is not the nicest man you could say and he wont change so I just have to get over that fact, and yea my weakness is punctuation so you may see that often in my poetry but I hope I will get the hang of that this year. 
PaigeStreet This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Unlike a lot of poetry- which seems directly spoken, this is very obviously an internal dialogue. Its interesting. It gives the subtle impression of caged-in reality without explicity stating it. Also- your trademark use of period dots comes in handy here. I'm curious what this poem would look like if you wrote it to be spoken to someone or some people in particular. 
Ga-GahKayMarie replied...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 11:47 pm
Yes it is! Well see I read my poetry to my friends and when I read it those periods and comma's and dashes are used just to show you sort of how I read it, If you know what Slam Poetry is you may Understand, see I read it in a dramatic way so that the listener gets the feeling I am portraying to them :) 
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