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What I Hide

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My face shows you a bright smile and warm glow, my arms a caressing hug, lips a friendly kiss on the cheek. But do you ever wonder whats underneath? Look into my eyes, you see the sadness I hide, tears I hold back, secrets I will never tell, and truths to lies I have told. My arms wants to wrap around myself and hide in dark corners, muscles twitch with the urge to harm or even kill. Lips that shape themselves in a way opposite of a scream just to keep the real me in. There is no escape to the hell I have created for myself, the life I am forced to live, the shell of stone I am trapped in. No one will ever understand me, no matter how I explain or how much they try. Everyone has secrets, which they eventually share. But their secrets have nothing to compare with mine. Absolutely nothing... and let me tell you about my nights for they unleash more upon me. Dreams that kill me from the inside, attack my thoughts, wear me down to nothing but a powder. Ice crystals that just freeze my emotions into a state of shock until I can bring myself to snap out of it. Nights that are sleepless, and full of painful thoughts of my past.... some of the thoughts don't even seem like they are of my own life but of an others......... Then there are nights of deep sleep that I cannot come out of. Like comas that seem to go on for years but are only a few hours. In the deep all of my mind is released to reek havoc on me... my labyrinth is untangled for my fears to find amusement in my torture... my happiness trapped in closets hidden by lock and key begging to come out and pounding against my temples. All of this until the sun comes up...... until I am rescued... and until then I wait....



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