Fearless

June 2, 2012
By Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."


The quiet girl
Who felt so small
Finally felt brave enough
To let herself fall

The popular boy
Her heart, he took
Made her stupid enough
To forget to look

The star-crossed girl
Who felt so confused,
How could she let herself
Be so used?

The flattered boy
Who kept leading her on
Even though he knew,
He was already gone

The wondering girl
Whose heart, he’d stolen
Why would he want something
He’d made so broken?

The greedy boy
Who lied to her face
Thought he’d keep her heart
Just in case

The smart girl
Whose life, he tore apart
Did she have the strength in her
To let herself depart?

The cautious boy
Who saw her slipping away
Would she still love him
By the end of the day?

The torn girl
Who saw him on his knees
Would she forgive him
If he only said ‘please’?

The shrewd boy
Who held her in his arms
Would she see through
His meaningless charms?

The guarded girl
Her heart, she held tight
And tried not to let it shatter
When she saw the wretched sight

The other girl
Hand in hand they walked
Her eyes alight with laughter
As the boy whispered ‘caught’

The wounded girl
Her eyes filled with pain
She turned to walk away
Not stopping as he called out her name

The wretched boy
Did she know better?
Were his words deceiving enough
Or would her heart
Protect her?

The angered girl
Finally looked him in the eye
And the first thing she did
Was ask of him
Why?

The weak boy
Could only stutter a reply
And all the girl could do
Was give a sigh

The strong girl
Who wouldn’t let herself cry
This was it
She had to say goodbye

The girl was terrified
As she slowly pulled away
She lingered for a moment
Before a voice whispered
‘Today’

She had tears in her eyes
Her legs trembled as she walked
But she knew she could do this
As she took a step forward and whispered
‘Fearless’



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This article has 18 comments.


on Jan. 3 2013 at 7:13 pm
Jesus_of_Suburbia SILVER, West Orange, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is only one god, and his name is death. What do we say to death but 'Not today' "
-Syrio Forel, A Game of Thrones

Your writing is so phenomenal that I'm actually flattered that you like some of my work. nice job, well done :) 

on Aug. 20 2012 at 9:20 am
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you so much!  I was trying to make this poem relatable, I'm so glad it worked out!  Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate it.

on Aug. 20 2012 at 9:14 am
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you soo much!

on Aug. 19 2012 at 9:49 pm
AbigailElizabeth SILVER, Medina, Minnesota
8 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose" - Goo Goo Dolls

Usually I dont like poetry, but I kept reading and reading and not wanting to stop, and that's so amazing. You're talented.

Hbaff GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2012 at 7:55 pm
Hbaff GOLD, MErrimack, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Maybe if i stare he'll come faster.

this was so nice to read! i REALY relate to that girl so i loved the whole poem! great job!

on Jul. 28 2012 at 2:22 am
Pika_Princess, Escondido, California
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments

This was terrific! I loved it, especially since it told a story from so many different point of views...I sorta interperted that all the different characters knew each other and that this was an intense web of romance...you know, instead of a love triangle it was a love tangle, but I may have been wrong.

Now somethings did stick out to me:

First, you tend to have some stanzas in the active voice and others in the passive voice. It would be better if you chose one (active is usually the stronger voice) and used that consistenly throughout the entire poem. For example, the first stanza is in active voice, but the fifth is in passive voice. So maybe change the fifth to make the voice consistent throughout.

Second, there are somelines that I found could be re-worded in order to make them a bit stronger.

Fifth stanza, line 4: He'd left so broken...or he'd broken beyond repair.

Ninth stanza, line 4: after he said "please"? (He was already on his knees so it seemed as though he is saying please.)

That was all that really stuck out so very nice job!


on Jul. 28 2012 at 2:22 am
Pika_Princess, Escondido, California
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments

This was terrific! I loved it, especially since it told a story from so many different point of views...I sorta interperted that all the different characters knew each other and that this was an intense web of romance...you know, instead of a love triangle it was a love tangle, but I may have been wrong.

Now somethings did stick out to me:

First, you tend to have some stanzas in the active voice and others in the passive voice. It would be better if you chose one (active is usually the stronger voice) and used that consistenly throughout the entire poem. For example, the first stanza is in active voice, but the fifth is in passive voice. So maybe change the fifth to make the voice consistent throughout.

Second, there are somelines that I found could be re-worded in order to make them a bit stronger.

Fifth stanza, line 4: He'd left so broken...or he'd broken beyond repair.

Ninth stanza, line 4: after he said "please"? (He was already on his knees so it seemed as though he is saying please.)

That was all that really stuck out so very nice job!


on Jul. 24 2012 at 2:11 pm
albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 187 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win"- Stephen King
“In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate”- Isaac Asimov

I loved it! the whole story was amazing! (maybe check out my work sometime)

on Jul. 24 2012 at 1:09 pm
FlameSeeker373 SILVER, Richmond, Texas
6 articles 3 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...Magic is just science that we don't understand yet..."


















Arthur C. Clark

That was great!! I liked how you used a lot of describing words. Wonderful job! :)

on Jun. 24 2012 at 1:34 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you so much for your feedback:) I wanted to make this poem relatable, I'm so glad you liked it!

on Jun. 23 2012 at 6:06 pm
frecklefire BRONZE, NY, New York
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters"
-Epictetus

Whoa this gave me the chills. Your formatting and style was genius and i truly got the whole 360 degrees of the story. It's so unique and memorable - amazing job!

on Jun. 18 2012 at 8:47 am
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

Ok cool, cool and you're welcome and thanks!

on Jun. 16 2012 at 3:54 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

It's okay:) that's happened to me before. Thank you for the feedback!  I had in mind that it was one girl saying each phrase, but I guess it could make sense either way.  Your poems are very well written as well:)

on Jun. 12 2012 at 3:40 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

ohmigosh I'm so sorry about all the repeats I only posted one comment and it just multiplied! :P

on Jun. 12 2012 at 3:39 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

So was it different girls or one girl going through different phases?  It is very nicely written and I like the repetition of the ferst line in each stanza!  Very good job! Keep writing! :)

on Jun. 12 2012 at 3:39 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

So was it different girls or one girl going through different phases?  It is very nicely written and I like the repetition of the ferst line in each stanza!  Very good job! Keep writing! :)

on Jun. 12 2012 at 3:39 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

So was it different girls or one girl going through different phases?  It is very nicely written and I like the repetition of the ferst line in each stanza!  Very good job! Keep writing! :)

on Jun. 12 2012 at 3:39 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

So was it different girls or one girl going through different phases?  It is very nicely written and I like the repetition of the ferst line in each stanza!  Very good job! Keep writing! :)


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