May 19, 2012
I avoid a wall and run into a door
I jump over a step and trip on my own two feet
I overcome a hill, yet hit the base of a mountain
And I finally make the finish line, but come in last place

It’s a game
A rigged race that can’t be won
It’s the laugh of defeat deafening your ears
An understanding that getting by is better than getting nothing

I’ll trip, traipse, run, scream, and get by all I can
But when a moment shatters
And a day is done
I’ll still be getting nothing

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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

theatregirl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 9:03 pm
I like work, it was nice engertic and short to the point. However, it could use a bit more flow, and rythmn. ITt free verse, but even free verse poem must contain some rythm even if it simplistic. Otherwise, it was great! Could like at mine new one The hiding place? I really enjoy, I hope you keep writing
kate12345me said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Nice work...definitely could use a bit more smoothness...but still quite enjoyable. I read your comment on Confessions of a Cult Member, and decided to check out some of your work :) If you want, check out some of mine? But again, nice work...just improve the flow and it would be fantastic!
Triumph said...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Wonderful piece, of work, I love the last line! Keep writing, you're obviously doing a great job. 
Lacer said...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Hum. It's an interesting poem, and has a good backing concept, however, it's lacking flow.

Try putting some rhyme to it, that would help. It would make the poem match the theme of a game, and you obviously have a good grip on what the game is and how some people are bad at playing it, so just put it to some rhyming, and it would be so much the better, and more fun to read!

CelestaCuffrig replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Thanks so much (: I've been wrestling with this poem for a while... Not sure where I want it to go, ya know?
Lacer replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Hum, you could focus on the idea of it being a cruel game, like something that shouldn't be taken seriously that is taken too seriously, or you can take it as the idea of a regular game, something that you don't take seriously, and doesn't matter in the end.

Of course those aren't the only two options, just the best I can come up with.

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