I alwasy wanted

May 17, 2012
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Tall ceilings, empty halls,

with no one to talk to…
All I ever wished for a warm inviting home,
With a loving family to go along with it.

Instead I got a cold, oversized house, with new wooden floors.
All I wanted was a family.

Instead, I was abandoned.

I was only loved when I succeeded,
But I never succeeded… So I was always alone.
At least, to their standards, I never succeeded…

Nothing ever good enough for this perfect family.
They always asked for more.

I asked for was unconditional love.
That was too much to ask from a father married to his work,

And the step mother who was too busy with her real kids.

They got everything they could ask for…
I got unreachable standards and ideals fed to me on a silver spoon.
4.0 GPA’s, perfect curls, perfect grammar,
Perfect attitude, perfect never ending smile,
Perfect expensive clothes.

No time for fun,
“You have a math test to study for, books to finish reading, get ahead in your science class, and finish your Egyptian tomb.

Once you’re done with that you need to clean your room, I saw a shirt on the floor!

Clean the bathroom!

Clean the floors in the kitchen and living room.

You also need to dust!

And don’t forget to go to your dad’s restaurant and help him out!”

… Fake as can be, no real personality.
That’s what they wanted from me, but I could never deliver.
I was too stubborn.
What was I thinking, trying to actually be a real person?!

All I wanted was ONE person to always stand by me and tell me I was a good kid…

But that was too much to ask.

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