Mom is cooking, dad is yelling, chitter chatter is all around. I sit in my room and genuinely wonder.. Why. Wake. Up. Its not that I want to die, I do have things to live for. Its that if I do die, is it really so bad? The volume of the house rises. My mind shifts focus. My thoughts bring a smile to me face, he comes into play and I'm keen to the idea of waking up every morning. A dish breaks hitting the main floor hard, I hear the glass sprawl. He is erased from my focus. To my surprise I find my conscience sitting in a classroom looking at a failed test. My grades are slipping, my grades are slipping, and I don't have a valid reason for why. Life is harder now then ever before. My dad stops yelling, I curl up into a lonesome ball. Will I always feel alone? My friends come to mind. My close ones say they love me, they won't leave me, we're best friends... But I can't seem to believe it. How do I separate the real from the fake, I've gotten it wrong in my past. All talking in the house comes to a hush, all that is to be heard is the house's natural noises. I wonder what happened. Slowly getting down from the top bunk I slip on my slippers and walk ever so quietly to the stairs. Time doesn't stop, it doesn't freeze nor rewind. I must live in the now, I must smile and be happy. I think of him to bring the smile to my face and rush downstairs to see my family before it loses its essence to the thoughts of dropping marks, losing friends, or even just my low self esteem.
alone at home?
May 7, 2012