I never wanted this to happen ever in a lifetime

April 23, 2012
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When you left I was gone
And when she died I still was one
But now I am older and I understand
What you don’t get is that I am hurting
I get these thoughts in my head
To the point where I want to be dead
Your mind cant make you do things
You make the decisions
I still think that
To this day I still want to just leave my life without giving anyone closure
But it would be for pleasure
What happened to you has driven me to do this
From time to time I am happy
But most of my life I am dead
I am wasted away like nothing
But people try to make me feel like something
That’s important but I am not
Everyday I have fought
For you but you aint here to see it
But when you looked at me I know that my eyes lit
When you came out of that cop car
I was happy and thankful
For I thought I would never see you again
But God himself made that happen
I was tired and clumsy
But seeing you made me happy

When you got sick
Yea you bet I was pissed
Cause I thought you would have to stay there
When we got that call
My heart stopped
You were dead gone dust
I didn’t understand so I took it as a joke
But when I seen you I choked
I didn’t stop crying because you were gone
And when I needed you the most you weren’t there
To guide me through my life
For you were with your wife
My mother whom I didn’t know
But everything about her is like a ghost
I don’t know anything about her
Except she was my mom
So today I hate myself for being alive
And not being able to thrive
But so far you’ve taught me to go with my heart
And my heart is telling me that we are apart
I have to go now but I hope we will meet again
I will still think about you everyday
And now all I can do is pray

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