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My Excuse

I haven't lost you, I just don't have you; I never loved your best friend, I just was mad at you; Did he cheat on me, yes; Did I deserve it, yes; Will you ever take me back, probably not; I'm not trying to get you back, I just feel wrong without you; Do I think you miss me, no; Did I make a massive mistake, yes; I don't want to tell you my reason for leaving you, I just want you to say you forgive me; "Why should I take you back if you won't tell me," you say; I never said that, I just stated I wanted you to forgive me; "And if I did take you back" you say; I'd be the happiest girl you've ever met, I just wouldn't let you know that; I trust you with my secrets, I just don't know how you'll react to them; Would you hate me if you knew why I left the first time, yes; Would you hate me if you knew why I bailed out the second time, yes; "Hate is a powerful word, I could never hate you," you say; I might tell you, I just don't know yet; "Just tell me I can take it," you say; I don't mean to try and justify my actions, I just don't know any other way to phrase them; I think if I make it seem very simple it'll be better, I just perhaps think if I leave most of it out you won't be as frustrated; I really did care about you, I just feared you might leave me; I'm not insecure, I just couldn't stop thinking about how you looked at that girl; I know leaving because of jealousy is bad, I just saw a chance to not become hurt by you possibly leaving me is all; "What about the second time," you say; I thought you might want to seek out revenge again after the first time, I just didn't want to get hurt; I'm always terrified, I just think I'll never be good enough for you; Do I think those are stupid reasons now, yes; Does it matter, no because you're gone; "How could I be gone if I never left," you say; I figured you don't ever want me back, I just think I cause you too much trouble to be taken back in; I think it would be best for you to never hear the reasons, I just think it easier for you to never know why; I believe this was mostly your fault though, I just think if you hadn't given me free-time this wouldn't have happened; How is it my fault," you say; I shouldn't be able to stop and think about negative things, I just had an oppertunity that you gave me to think about pros and cons in which cons overcame my mindset; "This is the most childish excuse I've heard," you say; "Why would you do something like this," you say; Is this all childish, yes; Is this all the truth, yes; Why is this so, because I still love you.



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