I thought about what it'd feel like
without you here as mine.
I don't understand life that way.
And it's unfathomable,
unimaginable to me how
you find it so easy to leave,
easy to try so hard to leave.
Leave me behind with nothing
while you go in search of something..
more
Than what I am.
But you haven't left yet.
...haven't left yet.
Those words are sour on my tongue
spoiled in my mouth
And I can hardly bear the thought that
it was me thinking them,
those words,
that possibility that I lie is an impossibility
Because this has all happened before.
It'll happen again,
But what people don't see..
See what I see..
Is you.
The you in me.
How, 9:03 this morning your smile,
that laugh from you across the room to me
lit up my world if only for a moment,
9:18 your words “and you
look extremely
cute
today”
made my life for the fiftieth time
in one morning.
Watching you walk in when I was missing you
The only one missing you because I
realized you were gone.
The you that is everything I want to be
When I reach the level of life that you have
Your way of learning that I have yet to reach,
because I'm the one you
chose to hold your secrets,
to love your truths for what they are.
The one you trust with you
because you are who I am.
And people can't see that,
they aren't me.
You remember that.
Remember your trust in me
Because you're the only one who seems to forget it
Forget the us that I love
and make it the us that I hate
when that's the us
I refuse to let us create because it...
well, it isn't us.
And I want you to see the you
that I can see.
How, 7:32,
Your lips on my forehead burned your mark of
“mine”
into me forever and it
won't ever
disappear like I'm scared
you will the second I
let go of your hand.
See the light in your eyes
that reminds me of the
sparkle of the star
you told me leads to Neverland...
8:27.
And 8:42, hugging you goodbye and good night
for the seventh time because
neither you or me can seem to turn
in opposite directions.
This is us.
10:19,
Promising to buy me a movie and
Lay with me, all because
I asked;
Surprising me with the gift of your time
That you don't see as a
gift.
Oh my god, how I love you.
This is what they don't see.
The angel hidden in you,
chained by the doubts
others have branded into your skin,
the doubts I'm trying to end.
The doubts I throw onto
myself
in a foolish attempt to
Remove them from you,
cure you from them to no end.
They weren't with us!
Remember that, we were
the only two.
The two on our own journey
to finding who we are,
who us is.
And they weren't there inside us
when we went through our
challenges,
go through our challenges,
Hurdle over fences and dodge
the barbed wires.
Remember that I know,
you shouldn't hide your faces,
the anger that is fear for us,
for your family too
because they're there with us
Living day to day,
seeing how we are
But no one sees how we are,
not even us
But what us is, is so beautiful
Life would
Stop
Without it, and I know
You see it too.
The strength of
Me and you
Even in the weaknesses we have too.
10:42,
Your sorry for the things
you do wrong
When in my eyes
you don't do wrong
You learn as you go,
just like me.
How many people don't see you're
like me?
You get mad,
so can I!
Thursday night,
back a week or two
Blowing up over a stupid
thing with you..
I don't even talk about fights
When fights happen
With the friends I should
Talk about them with
because the bad just makes our
good three trillion times infinity
beautiful moments better than
they were.
In my eyes us is different,
even more so in my heart.
Because I will never dream
of the day that us falls apart
I don't think you see I
won't live through it
which is why you'll be the one
to do it
But what I will dream of
is our forever.
That always that we laugh about.
In the car, 9:57
Alone together,
You telling me that yes,
One day, we'll be in love still,
married,
Just the way you have planned.
And I beg you to keep your
magical words
Because to me they're real.
More real to me than
Anything else has ever been,
And maybe that's why I love you.
You're the one thing that
has ever been different,
Ever willing to know the me that
I wish I was,
even though I can't be that
girl.
But you love me too,
Which is even more real,
Because that's what's most different
About you.
The us that I've dreamed of
Came in your body, mind, heart.
To stay on that couch,
white and old, upstairs,
That's all I ever want to do
Because that's who we are.
Where we were born.
6:13 I found that spot on your back
Where your warm skin is
So sensitive it gives me the power to
Make you laugh..
Like when you sprinkle your
Long fingers down the sides
of Me where my ribs
Wrap around my heart,
And I giggle until I cry.
This is who you are
When they aren't looking.
Falling to the floor in a storm
of blankets,
Hardly breathing because
our laughter is so much more important
than air.
This is us, love.
I wish they saw.
I wish they saw the you that
Isn't the you who I
Describe you to be,
but the one that you are,
the one that is so many
colors of amazing
that words run out
Before I'm done simply saying
You're beautiful.
Wonderful.
Mine.
That's who you are
When you're not angry
not sad..
Not afraid...
I see that.
You need to see that too,
Because I know you can't.
I love you,
Hear me out loud when my mouth
Won't move.
I love you, and it will
Always..
Always
be that way.