Losing Hope

By , Staten Island, NY
Confusion.
I wake up lost in a haze
Laying in a hospital bed.
I don’t remember anything.
How hard did I hit my head?

Anger.
Lucky, lucky, lucky
“You are so lucky yo be alive.”
Who would want to suffer like this?
I don’t see ‘lucky’ in my eyes.

Fear.
Cars, cars, cars.
They are all around me.
In my mind and dreams,
Death is all I can see.

Denial.
They lie to me.
How do I know this is real?
Maybe something else happened.
No one understands how I feel.

Frustration.
How much more pain can I bear?
How much more can I cry?
Living like this is torture
Why didn’t I just die?

Turmoil.
Up,


Up,

down.

down.
I keep changing my mind
At this point I don’t know what is better,
To live or to die?

Pressure.
Why do I, of all people, deserve to live?
I have to live up to something great
Make use of this life
And not let it go to waste.

Hell.
Pressure, pressure, pressure.
It brings forth the other part in me,
The part that calls for death
An easy escape from this misery.

Distress.
This depression
Finds comfort in my pain,
Feeds off my confusion
And drives me insane.

Hopelessness.
Pain killers, pain killers, pain killers.
Nothing to hold on to.
Nothing left to lose.
Nothing I can do.





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