How???

I’m slipping,
Far, far away.
Destroying everything rebuilt.
A constant conflict,
Between what’s right,
And especially what’s wrong.
Never accepting,
Just pretending.
Judging all who come close,
Pushing those who are closer.
Hypocritical to the point of no return.
Preaching,
Not practicing.
Making mistake
After mistake.
Wanting to be good,
Nice.
Knowing it will never be true.
Hoping to get by,
But how?