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Down By The River

By , Pocatello, ID
I see the blue tide crashing against the rock.
All it’s inhabitants getting thrown to the dirt above.
It makes me sad to know that I too have been thrown into the dirt.
Alone. I sit with my box of secrets. Regrets.
Listening to the gentle song of the bluebirds above, I wait.
Thinking of what could’ve been. I guess that’s all that’s left to think about.
I have regrets. I know that those regrets will haunt me forever. But right now,
I can sit in silence. Watching the water continue down it’s path.
Wishing life was that easy. Wishing my path was something I could change.
But I know I can’t. If I could, I wouldn’t have a box of secrets.
I would be free.
I open the box and take out the paper that contains my goodbye letter.
Suicide.
I had thought of it before.
Too many times to count.
I throw it in the river.
I take out a bloody razor.
Cutting.
Scars all over my body from all the pain I felt.
Every cut is its own regret.
I bury it deep in the ground where it can’t haunt me anymore.
I take out my journal.
The journal containing hateful, rage filled entries.
Entries questioning if there is a God.
Questioning death. Questioning me as a person.
I rip out the pages and throw them in the river.
I take out my last regret. My biggest regret.
A picture of my father.
The father I never knew.
The father I secretly, deep down, never wanted to know.
I spent most of my life thinking what could’ve been if he stayed in my life.
I rip the picture in half.
In the river it goes.
I watch all my regrets float away.
I started my life there,
Threw away all my regrets there,
Became a new person there.
Down by the river.





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