The paint that doesnt stop

January 25, 2012
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With every smile
There's a million more tears
With every battle won
I'm fighting a billion more fears

I'm breaking down myself
& picking the worst out of me
No matter how hard I change it
This is how I'll always be

I'm gasping for air
Trying to figure out why I can't breathe
I'm just another lost soul
Swimming out to sea

Every thing you say
Translated in my head
Trying to be happy
Imagining myself dead

Crying so hard
Wishing I could change
But every time I'm happy
It goes back to rearrange

I'm fighting myself
& that's the only battle
I'm treating myself worse
Then how farmers treat cattle

My face shows a smile
But behind it I'm searching
For all my saddest thoughts
My depression lurking

I don't know what to change
Besides my outlook on life
I just want one smile
Not forced with a knife

I'm falling apart
Just over me
All I know is I'm blurring
Struggling to see

I can't steer myself straight
Without abandoning my own ship
All I know is I need a map
To get me out of this

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