I'm Not Doing Okay

January 3, 2012
By Anonymous

I know you’ll never understand;
I’ve come to accept this.
No, don’t fool yourself;
It is so NOT okay;
I now know it will never be okay;
And it seems ineffectual to care so much
When you don’t.
I’m not asking you to care,
But its unthinkable to me how
You don’t even NOTICE!
How can I make you see???
I’m not afraid of blood,
But cutting myself didn’t seem
To be a very astute solution for this.
I could scream,
I could cry,
I could lock myself in my room,
And refuse to speak to you,
But I don’t need a doctor’s diagnosis
To know I’m depressed.
Plus, maybe someday I’ll want to go to college
With the money you would spend on that therapist.
Do I need to have a pregnancy scare
For you to realize I’m an at-risk teen??
Cause I kinda wanted it to save it for marriage,
But anything for you.
Do I need black hair dye,
Or to pierce my face
And double pierce my ears
For you to see how I don’t fit in!
But, you know, I’d rather not
Look so unkempt and …ugh,
I hate black.
Now I know I don’t need to write a scary little note,
Swallow a whole bottle,
Or tie a rope to a ceiling fan,
For you to see how unhappy I am with my life.
Right?

The author's comments:
It seems to me that if I were to ask for help, that in itself would give the world leave to say I'm only pining for attention. Especially when I smile, I have friends (however few and insincere), I make all A's (I'm first in my class for God's sake!), I'm a good kid who never does anything drastic or stupid. Impulsive people get noticed. I guess I'm too rational to do the things mentioned in this poem, so I don't deserve to escape my self inflicted misery. I didn't do it on purpose; I do WANT to be happy. It's just not working.

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on Feb. 21 2012 at 8:12 am
AngelsKiss PLATINUM, Paris, Tennessee
25 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
You have the power to live another Childhood, so open up the door leaving back your doubts.

This poem really spoke to me, it's honest and up-front... the pain of wanting someone to see without actually telling them. Like you want them to just look at you and realize your not happy, but we are clueless sometimes. Sometimes the word "please, help, or save me.." is needed.

Please read and comment on some of my poems if you'd like.



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