loves lies

January 13, 2012
By MarineGirl111075 SILVER, Lakeland, Florida
MarineGirl111075 SILVER, Lakeland, Florida
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It gets better, it always gets better..it has to!"


You told me you loved me and that you would never let me go.
You were supposed to protect me but no you just let the pain flow.
I remember the days when I loved you but those moments died fast.
I tried to understand why you did it but you just tossed me in the past.
For years I hid in the safety of your warm embrace.
Until I grew cold and that warmth was replaced.
It was replaced by the feeling of cold, hard, unmoving steel.
After years of mental abuse I found I could not feel.
No. I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t want the pain that was lead by sorrow.
I didn’t want the hurt that lasted and would still be here tomorrow.
I didn’t want the tears that would soon dry and turn to dust.
I didn’t want this heart of steel that was beginning to rust.
I wanted your love the love that was supposed to last.
Something else was much more important to you wasn’t it?
Something you needed and you needed it fast.
Yes. You put that needle to your arm and the world was forgotten.
You loved the taste of poison that turned you soul rotten.
You left me with a pain I couldn’t remove.
A pain so deep it left scars to prove…
To prove what? That your unstable life destroyed mine?
So I tucked away all that made me feel, leaving my heart blind.
You left me for the drugs that made you numb.
You chose to give in to a life you knew you could overcome.
I grew angry, resentful, and heartless as my sister would say.
Yes I guess I am a bit cold but this helps me keep living every day.
Why did you let me fall?
I cried. I cried so much didn’t you hear my call?
Why couldn’t you be there when I needed you?
I bled to heal the pain that grew and grew.
Why did you drop me like a bomb?
I needed you! I needed you to save me mom!
I thought you loved me but that was a lie!
Your love poisoned me and left me dry.
It’s been years and I still ask you the same thing
Why?....


The author's comments:
i was sitting in my room thinking about the past and i began to ask my self questions. questions i just didnt have the answers to. things like why cant i love like my other siblings? or why do i feel so angry? then i realized at the time i was thinking of my mom. i knew i could never talk to here with so many failed attempts. but still i asked why couldnt she love me like she loved her drugs? why did she have to choose the life she did? so i write to express what i feel and what i want to know and to this day i still dont have the answers.

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