I looked up in those big brown eyes of his and internally cried.
It's agony,I tell you, to wish that you had something that was yours.
So close yet not close enough.
He once asked me if it felt good to be loved. The answer at the time was yes.
But now I just wish to that well that I'm never fooled again.
Because yes,the lies felt good,the dark was comforting,and the lights never once came on.
But when I looked at you again,I didn't see the same scene. This time what I saw was the truth.
I saw me burning with pain. That you were inflicting.
Because you kept me coming back but you never once felt the same.
I would have died for you but you kept the well filled.
Afraid that if it went dry I would see through you.
I was naked but you stayed carefully clothed.
It didn't matter to you that you knew me back and forth.
You held secrets! What more could have been said?
To you I was already dead.
At times I got sick but on I was lead.It was a constant voice in my head.
I see now that I wasn't holding on to what was, I held to what could be. To blind to know it never will be.
Soon after I came from under the water of pain, took a deep breath and a new lite was gained.
I stepped back from the well and smiled my good bye.
Happy that the experience was something I survived.