I Will Not Love A Ghost

November 23, 2011
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Tristan,


Guess what tomorrow is. The 4 year anniversary of your death & I'm still holding on. I didn't want the day to come but I'll meet it face-to-face whether I like it or not. It's only a few hours away. I can already feel the misery attempting to tear apart the monster I impatiently waited so long to make. It won't happen. I refuse to fall under that spell once again. I will not slip into the darkness. I will run, the misery can't take over what it can't find. I will run until I can fight and when I fight, I will win. I will not give up on myself, even if that means letting you go. I will write the date & look at it and I will not cry. I will be strong when someone asks if I'm okay. You're gone and there's NOTHING I can do about it. I tried everything. I bled for you and I know I can't take that blood back but it's time to accept it and move on. I'm not trying to hurt you but I will NOT lose my life for your loss. It's been 4 years too long. It's time to pick up the pieces of my life. It's time for me to be happy and forget everything that has shattered. I know what we had wasn't fake. I know you made my life a lot easier. Life isn't meant to be easy, if it was it would be boring. I know how we felt about each other but it's all gone now. There aren't any more memories to be created. We weren't meant to be. Whether or not you were meant to die, you did. My apologies and tears won't bring you back. I found out the hard way. My monster has defeated my love for you, Tristan. I'm not sorry. I will not love a ghost forever.





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