So close to me

i felt his hand wraped in mine...
i felt the heat of his body like an open flame.
just hot enough to chace away the chill deep in my bones.
i smiled at him and said "though your here you feel far away".
he was stuned to silence until i heard him say " love isnt actually real".
i just wanted him near





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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

poetidea_myworld_22 said...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm
oh wow this is lke amazing
 
Resonating_Words said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 5:49 pm

First off, and this may be just me, I'm going to suggest a quick editing read through before you submit. I myself admit to the typo or two, but you've have quite a few misspellings (not to mention one of my greatest pet peeaves -- the uncapitolized "I"). This, to me, generally takes away from the poem.

Now, to the structure. I don't think you need the elipses in the first line -- the long pause is awkward. Also, repeating "I felt" would work, however you don't have repition anywhere el... (more »)

 
WhiteWings replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Thankyou very much for your honesty....that's how writters are perfected. I will do better. Don't be dicouraged into not commenting or rateing anything else of mine. Please look for improvements in my writings. I'm looking to you all to hlep me perfect my passion. My most humblest thanks again.
 
BreakingBrooke said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm

wow...i really love the dialogue in here,its not what u would expect. this is very good

 

 
WhiteWings replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm

thax...i just wish the symbol would be there "

 

 
BreakingBrooke replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:16 pm
it will be. it just takes a few days for it to change
 
blu3eyes said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 3:48 pm

i think itsreally seet and sincere i like it

 

 
WhiteWings replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm

thanx...send me some of your work...

 

 
WhiteWings said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 3:02 pm
o.k. so it was short and i dont think you can put quotation maers in your poem cause mine spelled the symbol. but i really love it.
 
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