So close to me

December 1, 2011
By WhiteWings GOLD, Houston, Texas
WhiteWings GOLD, Houston, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing lasts forever on this Earth. Smile


i felt his hand wraped in mine...
i felt the heat of his body like an open flame.
just hot enough to chace away the chill deep in my bones.
i smiled at him and said "though your here you feel far away".
he was stuned to silence until i heard him say " love isnt actually real".
i just wanted him near



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 9 comments.


on Dec. 6 2011 at 3:17 pm
poetidea_myworld_22 PLATINUM, Rediville, South Carolina
39 articles 1 photo 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her" Marylin Monroe

oh wow this is lke amazing

on Dec. 5 2011 at 8:16 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

it will be. it just takes a few days for it to change

on Dec. 5 2011 at 6:00 pm
WhiteWings GOLD, Houston, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing lasts forever on this Earth. Smile

Thankyou very much for your honesty....that's how writters are perfected. I will do better. Don't be dicouraged into not commenting or rateing anything else of mine. Please look for improvements in my writings. I'm looking to you all to hlep me perfect my passion. My most humblest thanks again.

on Dec. 5 2011 at 5:49 pm
Resonating_Words SILVER, Dallas, Texas
5 articles 10 photos 87 comments

First off, and this may be just me, I'm going to suggest a quick editing read through before you submit. I myself admit to the typo or two, but you've have quite a few misspellings (not to mention one of my greatest pet peeaves -- the uncapitolized "I"). This, to me, generally takes away from the poem.

Now, to the structure. I don't think you need the elipses in the first line -- the long pause is awkward. Also, repeating "I felt" would work, however you don't have repition anywhere else. So repeating it dampens the flow. You also might want to consider adding some more line breaks -- compared to the first and last lines the middle of the poem stretches out too far. But that's just for me perhaps.

In general I like it, I like the ending in particular. It could be executed better is basically what I'm saying. Has loads of potential, though :)


on Dec. 5 2011 at 5:41 pm
WhiteWings GOLD, Houston, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing lasts forever on this Earth. Smile

thanx...send me some of your work...

 


on Dec. 5 2011 at 5:41 pm
WhiteWings GOLD, Houston, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing lasts forever on this Earth. Smile

thax...i just wish the symbol would be there "

 


on Dec. 5 2011 at 5:27 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

wow...i really love the dialogue in here,its not what u would expect. this is very good

 


on Dec. 5 2011 at 3:48 pm
blu3eyes PLATINUM, Loganville, Georgia
20 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
I will live my life to its fullest with a tear in my eye or a smile opon my face.
Trust is like a piece of paper once it is torn or wrinkled it can never be perfect again.

i think itsreally seet and sincere i like it

 


on Dec. 5 2011 at 3:02 pm
WhiteWings GOLD, Houston, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing lasts forever on this Earth. Smile

o.k. so it was short and i dont think you can put quotation maers in your poem cause mine spelled the symbol. but i really love it.




MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!