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The Vanished Heart

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Brush the dust across the fawn earth
I looked among the shadows,
Dusky eyes resting calmly on the damage
Straining to see in the shifting shade
the vanished heart
A strange weightlessness endangered me; I was alone.
A shambled rib cage wraps around me.




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GreenSerenity said...
Jan. 4, 2012 at 9:45 pm:
Okay, so I've noticed that sometimes people have very differed opinions on a piece of poetry. It's not the writer's fault or the reader's, but the line between good poetry and not-so-good poetry is quite blurred. Now I'll get to actually telling you what I thought of your poem ;) Maybe it's just my current mood or the fact that I'm very overly critical, but for some reason it feels like it's missing something I can't identify. Again, it's probably just me, so don't take any offense. :) I'm used ... (more »)
 
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IamtheshyStargirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm:
I think you do a really good job covering many different writing styles and subjects, lilmartz :)
 
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french_silk27 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 28, 2011 at 8:50 pm:
Again, you are a beautiful writer. Your poems are short, easy to swallow... which is a nice break from all the poems that ramble on and on (such as mine). I can see exactly what you're seeing. Maybe, in the future, you can write about emotions, too? I mean, you do have overall emotions in your pieces. Like I can feel the mysteriousness and the pain in this one. I'd like to read a long poem of yours where you go really in depth. But anyway, please keep writing! Your work is absolutely fabulous. :)
 
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