I remember,
when I was small.

The crying, the yelling. And hiding under the covers, as I cried.

"Mommy, why does daddy yell at you?"

Silence is her answer, to her first-born.

I remember being on the phone; "Daddy, when will you be back? I miss you daddy. I love you."

Work is his reason for disappearing, and leaving mommy with 3 children.

I remember that day,
that day when you slammed the door. You walked out of the house, daddy. You drove away in that pretty blue car that I loved going places with you in.

Why did you leave me daddy?

Did I do something wrong daddy?

Did I make you mad daddy?


I remember reading mommy's journal.
You were with someone else daddy.
Did you not want us daddy?
We miss you daddy.


I remember, 9 years old
You come and see me sometimes, and whisk me off to your fancy house with your fancy new wife and another girl, she's my age too.

I don't like her daddy. Her girl is mean daddy. And she calls you daddy too.

I don't like it.


The days I spent the nights over at your house, I dreaded. I didn't like it.

You weren't my daddy no more, where'd you go daddy?

I remember when I was ten,
I told mommy I didn't want to go spend the night with you, or you're fancy new family, with your fancy new baby boy.

Then you stopped visiting. Completely.



Daddy, why did you do this to me? I have a little brother that you loved too. Did you know that my little brother and sister still love you daddy? Did you know, that they still hope that you'll come visit them and whisk them away so they can play with your new kids?


I remember,
My eleventh birthday, I gave up on you.


I used to cry about you daddy, cry for you at night.

I used to blame mommy too.

I remember a few days ago, I checked my facebook; 1 new friend request.

You know who it was from daddy? You...

I hesitantly declined.

If you wanted to be in my life, why weren't you in it daddy? I don't want you in it anymore.


I lost my faith in you daddy, I love you daddy, but you left you're first-born when she was 5 daddy, and now she doesn't feel you deserve to know her.

She's a high-schooler daddy, pressured by boys and sex and drugs. You know what she wishes she had most daddy?
You. She needs her daddy.


Wait, let me change that; She needed.





I remember just this week I heard you were getting married again. You left your fancy family, and are going to a new one.

I wished I could talk to you, talk you out of it, get you to come back to us.

Guess what daddy?
I have a new daddy

And I love my new daddy, and he loves me.



Sometimes I like to think back when i was little, when you used to jump on my bed and tickle me, and take me places in the pretty blue car, blasting the music.

I remember daddy.


Do you?