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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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Minita said...
Jul. 22, 2009 at 1:40 pm:
I love how the poem flows into one piece.
that father sounds mean!
 
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wordluver said...
Jul. 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm:
WHOAH Carl! this poem is so amaizing i really love the end it's so perfect although i just wanted the poem to keep going! haha well keep up the good work and keep writing you have an amaizing talent!
 
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dahottgeek said...
Jul. 3, 2009 at 7:14 pm:
that was good, but the rhymes seamed awkward at times, such as "birdie"
 
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Kinnery T. said...
Jun. 22, 2009 at 8:38 pm:
In general, I loved the poem. The rhyming was forced at times, though, especially at the part about the 'birdie'. The flow also got lost in some parts.

The themes, though, and the style too, were beautiful. You have a definite talent.
 
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Evangalene said...
Jun. 1, 2009 at 9:52 pm:
I must say, this poem you've composed, it is simply amazing. Not once have I heard something so beautiful and deep. The hidden meanings you could imply from such poem is infinite. Congratulations on writing what is (in my opinion) the most spectacular piece of poetry yet.
 
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GuoXiang This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 29, 2009 at 10:53 pm:
Stunning!
 
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erika E. said...
May 29, 2009 at 8:02 pm:
pretty :)
 
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music said...
May 29, 2009 at 7:35 pm:
wow this is totlly good!!! it sounds like you have alout of experince of writing!!:)
 
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lovehate29This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 29, 2009 at 4:45 pm:
Wow! your poem was really good. Extraordinary! Outstanding! I really enjoyed the rhyme scheme used in this piece! Very good!
 
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Anjo! said...
May 20, 2009 at 4:46 am:
THIS IS SO AWESOME!! WOW!! I got chills!!!
 
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Jenigansta said...
May 10, 2009 at 5:08 pm:
Wow that poem was good and when I got to the end you left me hanging I wanted to read more
 
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BeccaBlue826 said...
May 9, 2009 at 4:45 pm:
this is good...i can connect to it and that is what is so amazing....bravo(applause)
 
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Jake S. said...
May 7, 2009 at 6:35 pm:
This poem is amzing!! this is my first time on the site, but after reading this peom I already love it!!:)
 
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XxdeeplyabusedxX said...
May 6, 2009 at 11:03 pm:
dude this poem was awesome. i loved it.
 
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buggy said...
May 6, 2009 at 5:51 pm:
okay I love this poem. It is really visual and it reminds me of the way my step father tells me to do what I want with my life; like my guitar and claranet; but he never supports it. I have been playing for over five years and he has never once gone to my concerts. he wants me to be happy but doing what he approves of. It sounds like you have similar experinces in your life.
 
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thedaydreamer13 said...
May 3, 2009 at 9:44 pm:
thats good!! you should write more!!! keep up the good work!!! :)
 
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bookhugger14 said...
May 3, 2009 at 2:16 pm:
This poem is extremely well written and i love it! Keep on writing because this poem was really good. ♥♥♥
 
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madeintheusa said...
May 2, 2009 at 4:49 pm:
I give this poem an A for effort, because I can see that the writer is honestly trying to say something about himself, plus I realize the writer is still a kid. I advise editing of the meter (how many counts in each line), and I advise editing a few words such as "birdie" which cheapens the poem as soon as we see it. Lastly, I too must comment on the writer's use and non-se of capiltalization. When a writer chooses to write all words in lower case, that is fine. It is meaningless, perhaps art... (more »)
 
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brooke.is.gone. said...
Apr. 19, 2009 at 4:14 pm:
i really love this poem. when you first read it, it's a little confusing but i think it's meant to make you think about it, and that's what i love about it. :)
 
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Jessica B. said...
Apr. 16, 2009 at 7:03 am:
If you re-read this poem and pick out any superfluous words, such as "and" in the second line, you'll find that the poem sounds more focused. Also, are the lower-case i's intentional to illustrate that the son feels incompetent around his father? You capitalize the word father even though it is the second word, this adds an interesting texture to the poem. You also capitalize "The Sea" which sets the sea in the same...er--boat, (no pun intended) as the father. Which makes me believe th... (more »)
 
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