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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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BellaEzrebetFang This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 2, 2009 at 4:13 pm:
Love this. This poem makes me wince though...it's sad and ambitious and determined and hopeful and uplifting until the end when you're brought down and held back with the 'chain' in the poem....
 
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chetahgirl20 said...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 6:08 pm:
I would try to have realistic words, and capitalize "I". Nice poem.
 
DEARtiffanyy replied...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 10:52 pm :
I think that the "i" isn't capitalized on purpose. The writer puts himself on a lower rank than the Sea or Father, hence, they are capitalized.
 
mutekid016 replied...
Nov. 20, 2009 at 3:31 pm :
I agree with DEARtiffanyy. She brings up a good point.
 
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Douglas C. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 3:03 pm:
Really cewl poem but...i dont really get it. Maybe i'm just stupid. but anyway, beautiful choice of words!!! :)
 
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s.nichole said...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 2:37 pm:
touched my soul; you're amazing. :)
 
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savina said...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 2:23 pm:
I love this poem, I just wanted to keep reading. Great work!
 
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Shailja said...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 4:34 am:
a touchin piece of work....
 
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DelkS said...
Nov. 1, 2009 at 3:31 am:
So real, its deep. I love it.
 
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PurpleMidnight said...
Oct. 21, 2009 at 2:57 pm:
Wow! This is amazing! The last stanza is my favorite! Keep on writing. =P
 
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monalisa011 said...
Oct. 8, 2009 at 7:25 pm:
This is really good... but the end is kind of depressing
 
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Sammi L. said...
Sept. 18, 2009 at 12:14 pm:
Beautiful. I thought it was very expressive and good.
 
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Minita said...
Jul. 22, 2009 at 1:40 pm:
I love how the poem flows into one piece.
that father sounds mean!
 
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wordluver said...
Jul. 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm:
WHOAH Carl! this poem is so amaizing i really love the end it's so perfect although i just wanted the poem to keep going! haha well keep up the good work and keep writing you have an amaizing talent!
 
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dahottgeek said...
Jul. 3, 2009 at 7:14 pm:
that was good, but the rhymes seamed awkward at times, such as "birdie"
 
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Kinnery T. said...
Jun. 22, 2009 at 8:38 pm:
In general, I loved the poem. The rhyming was forced at times, though, especially at the part about the 'birdie'. The flow also got lost in some parts.

The themes, though, and the style too, were beautiful. You have a definite talent.
 
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Evangalene said...
Jun. 1, 2009 at 9:52 pm:
I must say, this poem you've composed, it is simply amazing. Not once have I heard something so beautiful and deep. The hidden meanings you could imply from such poem is infinite. Congratulations on writing what is (in my opinion) the most spectacular piece of poetry yet.
 
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GuoXiang This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 29, 2009 at 10:53 pm:
Stunning!
 
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erika E. said...
May 29, 2009 at 8:02 pm:
pretty :)
 
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music said...
May 29, 2009 at 7:35 pm:
wow this is totlly good!!! it sounds like you have alout of experince of writing!!:)
 
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